It's funny. My dad always loved that song from Fiddler on the Roof, maybe one of the earliest memories I have of musicals, a love of mine. And though I often hear people talk about the sunset and all its beauty, I rarely hear people talk about the sunrise. So today, I want to talk about the sunrise, something I haven't witnessed in a very long time. When I was younger and camping with my family, my dad loved to wake us up wherever we were to see the sunrise. He'd poke my brother and me, and we'd begrudgingly crawl out from under the warmth of our sleeping bags, remove the pillows from our faces that blocked the very sun we were about to revere, and either walk, or scramble into the car, to go see the sunrise at some ungodly hour before 6 am. As I grew into a teenager, I often "passed," my dad going it alone, decreeing: You only live once. After he passed, I often warmed at the thought of all those years ago, the thermos held tightly in my tiny hands full of the coffee he'd make I couldn't drink but loved to smell like I loved to smell his Old Spice. And this morning, I felt myself right back there. I set my alarm, something I loathe to do, made some coffee, poured it into a thermos, and went and sat on the beach to watch the sun rise. I could marvel and describe to you the colors and how the horizon met ocean and sky, that moment of grace where I know I'm important and not at the same time, a moment where I toasted my freedom on the 4th of July, and the inexplicable awe of nature. But instead, it was the smell of that coffee mixed in the with sea that I noticed more than anything, and I swore I saw my dad's smile in the clouds, a smile so infectious, anyone who met him talked about it. Before I knew it, the tears soaked my face, but they weren't sad tears. They were profound tears. I was sitting on that beach because I could, because my parents gave me a life that set me up to where I am now, a life where both my parents, but especially my dad, had made great sacrifices.
When I sat there, I knew I wouldn't be seeing a rainbow I often associate with my dad, given the weather, and yet, I kept looking anyway, because in that moment, I knew, though I am agnostic, there are greater things at work I'll never understand, like why my dad was taken from me so young. And even if scientifically there couldn't possibly be a rainbow, the possibility of it still existed. We don't have answers to everything. We never will. But my dad was right: You only live once. And so, I do, living freely, able to have the luxury to set an alarm if I choose to go see the sun rise with my dad.
4 Comments
7/4/2019 08:44:26
What a wonderful memory. Sunrises and sunsets sometimes almost reduce me to tears. I never get tired of seeing them, and reminding myself what a beautiful world we live in. One of the most memorable sunrises I have ever seen, was 25 years ago, at Angkor Was in Cambodia, when a small handful of people got up before dawn to witness it. It was breathtaking. I'm glad that your sunrise brought back loving feelings for your Dad. A happy memory for you.
Reply
Becky
7/6/2019 12:46:17
Do you regret not going during those teenage years? I have so many things I regret when it comes to my parents. Thank you for making me think about what I can still do with them. I am lucky to still have my Dad alive. He is healthy. I know I don't say so or write often but I read these every week, I hope you continue with them . I hope people read. These inspire me alot.
Reply
Joe Peponis
7/11/2019 11:29:17
What a glorious memory and my personal favorite. The morning sunrise reminds me of all that is possible in this big world of ours, and in that moment you do feel both the magnificence of creation how incredibly small we are in this universe. With that we know that there is more than we could possibly understand and we “know” there is more. Thank you for sharing what a lovely description and personal memory. Be well and remember the good things yes! Joe P.
Reply
6/21/2020 23:31:16
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and memories of your Dad. I lost mine 13 years ago to his second round with cancer. As a nurse, when they showed me the pic of his liver I just burst out crying. No poker face for my Mom, whose birthday it was that day, she looked at me and said it's bad isn't it? All I could do was nod my head. He was a strict Dad but also very loving and always there to help if you needed it. He could also be hilariously funny. I remember a trip to N.C. he kept waving at people we met on the road and calling them by name. I asked him of he knew all those people and he said nope, I thought everybody was asleep so I was amusing myself and giving them names/
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Details
I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
Categories
All
Archives
November 2022
|