Are you a believer in the reading of tarot cards? The power of mediums? What has led you to believe or not believe?
In truth, I find it fun, though I’ve never visited a medium, nor do I have the desire. But the couple times I did visit a tarot card reader, it was freakishly dead on. I know. I know. And I say it too. Of course we are going to make sense of what the reader says, as it’s so general, we can find ourselves in it. Who doesn’t have some problems they want to fix? Or goals they wish they had reached? Or dreams? Or love lost and lost won? But this weekend, when, on a whim, I decided to play along again, I found her words hauntingly true. So many before me had talked about her readings and how she didn’t hold back, that what she said was too specific not to be real…so I went in with an open mind, while others were too fearful. Why the heck not? I don’t fear these things. Maybe I should. I guess, deep down, I don’t believe it for a second…and yet, maybe that’s just it. I WANT to believe. I want to believe that there is a way to see things that my limited mind won’t allow me to see. Maybe that’s all it is…that we desire to believe in things we really don’t. Or maybe, it’s that we DO believe and pretend we don’t, too scared to admit there are just so many things in life that have no explanations, that we can never fully grasp. I’m certain there are a whole host of parts of the brain we don’t use. In fact, we know this to be true. Science has told us this. So, as she was about to pack up, she allowed for a one-card reading and when she flipped it, she said (and I paraphrase), only knowing my first name and nothing more, “Wow. You work tirelessly, don’t you? Every day. You work and work toward your goals. And you wonder why some days, you want to give up. Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep doing what you’re doing. It will pay off. It doesn't seem so right now, but it will.” And I jokingly said: “Is it the bags under my eyes that have given it away?” And then she flipped another card. “I see people in your life that don’t support you in these dreams. This is a patience card. You need to have it. And so do these other people in your life who demand too much of your attention.” Of course I related to this. Like 100%. But who reading that doesn’t it? I think it’s true for me; and yet, I can see how it could apply to anyone. She left me with her card and a stone. And I look at it now, pondering her words. And somehow, regardless of its truth or not, it is a little voice telling me that I need to stay the course regarding certain dreams and goals, even if there are days I am certain the course is too difficult. So thank you, tarot card reader. Whether you know it or not, you’ve given me the courage to believe, not so much in the power of the cards, but in myself.
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LAST NIGHT...was the first time in months I didn’t sleep with the AC on. The rain was performing in the night air and demanded to be noticed. With the overhead fan on and the sound of the rain and wind, I opened my window and fell into a deep sleep. When I awoke, the rain had stopped its show, and I lay there, very early—another thing I hadn’t done in months—and just reflected. Reflected on the day ahead. The week ahead. The semester ahead. My plans of travel and the long weekend. And a certain breeze not only passed through my window but through my body. It felt like breath.
I’m not a morning person. I like the nights. I like staying up late when the cars stop roaring and the stars come out. I like to sit with a good TV series and then climb up to bed to meet my latest book characters and forget who I am for a little while, let the responsibilities of life fade into the background of “that can wait,” before I take my ride with Morpheus, where dreams are unencumbered by expectation, and where I have no control of what happens there. It feels like freedom, even if only for that one second before I slip and enter the world I won’t likely remember but know anything is possible. I’d forgotten how wonderful the morning is. How quiet it is then too, before the bustle starts and the stress kicks in and the noise takes over. It’s a perfect time to write. To meditate. And spend time in the moment. And in this moment, I saw the trees, still wet from the night’s spectacle, but the leaves blowing gently against each other in harmony, a couple of big oaks seemingly in love. Within the leaves I stared, and like that old Magic Eye book or when I stare for long periods of time at the clouds, I saw a kiss in those leaves, a face I wanted to capture—a side profile of eyes, a nose, hair blowing back, and lips, lips kissing the leaves next to it. I thought to myself, I’m just seeing things, and yet, still, I wanted to get my phone and snap a picture to prove it to you, to see if you saw it too, to show you how real it was, the trees in an embrace, kissing one another. But I stopped myself. This was my moment, what I felt and saw and knew was real. And I realized, it didn’t matter who believed me or who might have seen it too or who thought I was foolish. It was my waking dream, whether fabricated or not: Those leaves loved each other. And I realized: Isn’t that all any of us want? To be kissed? In the morning when no one else knows, when the only thing that matters is that we know we were kissed, that we know: We are loved. And that’s what being alive feels like, the gift of morning. And I'm happy for it. |
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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November 2022
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