Lately, I hear a lot people use the word “narcissist” to describe someone. It’s particularly common in the writing community. At times, it seems to be used loosely, when someone in a person’s life doesn’t behave in a way that makes any true sense. They are basically assholes and then narcissistic seems to be the only explanation. Do you believe this term is losing its meaning? Are we all basically narcissists in ways but on a sliding scale? So many of the traits seem embedded in so many people these days. Kindness is overlooked and a trend of entitlement and self-aggrandizing seems to be an accepted norm. So when does it become apparent that a person with strong tendencies for narcissism is really just a toxic person in your life? And when do you stop trying to change them? You can’t. You can NOT change them. And they won’t EVER see it. So is it time to simply expunge these types of people from your life? To the non-narcissistic person, it’s very hard to swallow that this person won’t “see the light” at some point, if we just try a little harder to “talk” to them, especially when they have moments of warmth and seeming compassion. The only treatment for this disorder is therapy—but can a narcissist be open to therapy? Seems counter-intuitive. Here are some traits I’m sure you’re aware of. You’re probably going to read them and say: Who in this whole world doesn’t have some of these traits and then ask the obvious: Am I a narcissist?? As listed from the Mayo Clinic:
Seems like some of these contradict each other, huh? Maybe that is why it’s so hard to determine if a person causing you angst has this personality disorder or not.
I am not psychologist or doctor, (I just play one in my blogs 😉 ) but I am human. And I think that if a person exhibits these qualities over and over to the point of YOUR mental health, guess what? Who cares if they are or aren’t “narcissists.” We have choices. And we do not need to surround ourselves with people who make us feel, frankly, like shit. We owe them nothing. But we do owe ourselves something: To be the best possible version of ourselves as possible. Maybe that’s narcissistic to say. So be it. Sometimes entitlement is simple happiness. And we can’t have it, if we allow someone to constantly take it away from us. Because even as I write this I remember: “You cannot make someone feel inferior without their consent.” So stop accepting inferiority and do put your feelings first. We’re the only person we need to answer to as adults.
4 Comments
Jane Doe
5/16/2019 23:57:09
As I was reading through the many points listed of what a narcissist is, every single point is accurate to a T. I have lived through each point, for a short period of time from a man who professed to love me. He caught me at a low point in my life and asked me to leave my home for a far off country. Dumb me, never saw the signs because he wanted me to see the ooie gooie side of him. My passport was taken away from me and so began the mental narcissistic abuse for 6 weeks. Luckily, he thought he had me so torn down that he made a mistake. He gave me back my passport. For two days I had to bide my time until I knew he would be at work. I packed and ran as if the devil was after me. The PTSD that I have been battling with for the last 11 months, has been the hardest emotion to deal with in my life. Some days I think I have it beat, and BAM it rears its ugly head. I never really thought of a narcissist in the past but now I am a believer. A narcissist is a wolf in sheeps clothing.
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R.B.
6/24/2019 11:52:37
Wow. Thank you for your courageous response. Thank god you got out. Would like to know where he is now.
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5/23/2019 03:55:17
A very insightful piece. Like others, I know people who exhibit some or all of the above traits. When I was younger I used to feel that the happiness of others was my primary concern. That, somehow, I was responsible for the happiness of every person in my life. Now I know I'm not. I endured so-called toxic people, at the expense of my own health and happiness, and wasted years in so doing. Now I know I should have walked away from those people. They drain the life from you. It's a hard lesson to learn. But one I'm glad I did.
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R.B.
6/24/2019 11:53:35
With every year, we grow wiser. You and I--we are a lot alike. And you are role model to me. I'm getting there. But not as confident. Thanks for writing, Rachel.
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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