Some things are meant to be messy. Hair. Chocolate. Watercolors. But life? It shouldn't be a complete mess. I realized recently that my closet was a bit of a metaphor for my life. I needed to streamline some things; lose things that were weighing me down; get organized; prioritize in what order things should be; in short, I needed to pay attention to my mental health. So…I got myself a new closet, quite literally, and slowly, I’m finding my frenetic, rat-race kind of existence beginning to change. I’m learning those changes are not just about where I can find my favorite shoes or t-shirt or jeans, but it’s about finding what makes me thrive and happy and what people I want to keep around me in order to do that (and what people I don’t.) My closet woes were really just a manifestation of my real-life woes. And I don’t need to be loyal to a pair of shoes, who frankly, are too expensive. Holding onto “people” who no longer belong, who take me granted, or trying to fit too many things into such a small window of time, is taking a toll; they’re too expensive. And I don’t have to pay for them. Or feel guilty about it. I can get a new closet. Rearrange a few things. Finally get rid of the things that no longer work. And so I did. And so, I am. Friends laugh and say: “First-world problems,” and yes, it does seem a bit trite to spend money on a closet. But everything is relative, isn't it? The mess, the chaos, the last-minute searches for things was spilling over into everything else. Always late as it is, it only further agitated me, furthered my anxieties, furthered everything into a panic. I don’t need to live that way. The closet is the first step. I’ve decluttered, created a new work space, put on a new coat of paint, eliminated furniture, sorted boxes of junk, bought new artwork…and that’s just the outside. Next? The inside.
So if you don’t see me around as much, well..it’s because I’m cleaning out my closet. Not everything deserves to stay. Not everything belongs. Some things just simply don’t match anymore.
3 Comments
3/7/2019 16:34:29
This blog struck a chord! I know exactly what you mean. For so many years I have been like a hamster running round and round on a wheel, trying to do more and more - trying to please everyone, but myself. My closet isn't metaphorically untidy, it is literarily complete chaos. My life has been relegated to the back burner. I found it impossible to say no to anyone, and my health paid the price. I too am trying to put me first for a change. I spent forty years working ridiculously long days - my only respite were the overseas trips I managed to make every couple of years. That, together with my writing, has kept me sane. Good luck with your quest to prioritise your needs. I would be sad to see and hear less of you online - but if that is what you need to do to obtain more balance in your life, then so be it. xo
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R.B.
6/24/2019 12:14:51
How's your closet coming? :)
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6/24/2019 21:21:27
Haha! I wish I could say it is finished, but I am half-way there! I have started writing again, and there is the little matter of a poetry anthology. It's taken a while to get used to being alone again, and being able to put my needs first, but I am adapting to my new life, and the closet will just be the first of many changes. I'm so looking forward to it. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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