R.B. O'Brien, Writer. Poet. Author.
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Sometimes i think too much...

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4/16/2016

​Just How the F$%K Do I Categorize My Writing?

29 Comments

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I’ve gotten a couple of reviews lately that have me baffled. While the majority of the review is always positive, I keep getting comments like: You call this dark? Please. Or—this is too dark. Or—this is not true BDSM…

I’ve posted my work in a Goodreads group for Dark Romance. Or maybe it was Dark Erotica. I’d really have to go back and look. But does it really fit there? It’s not as dark as writers like Pepper Winters or Claire Thompson or Annabel Joseph. It’s dubious consent at best. There certainly isn’t any non-consent or kidnapping. There is no physical harm or rape or anything of the sort that come to my heroines. I find that repulsive personally, so you won’t be getting any of that from me in my writing. Sorry.

And yet, it certainly doesn’t fit in your regular, run-of-the-mill Romance category either. I’ve written a former blog about the genre of romance if you’d like to go back and read it. HEA—is it necessary? I argue it is, for romance is a trope that follows prescribed lines. But my writing, especially THORNE? It’s not strictly romance.

And then there’s the genre, BDSM. Yes. There are definitely elements of BDSM in my writing. Bondage, flogging, spanking, tickling, orgasm denial, punishment, humiliation, D/s…However, these days, it seems people are looking for manuals and rules that govern BDSM or you get a rash of protest. Since when did writing fiction come with so many rules? I hear it over and over again-- You have to have safe words. Where is the proper aftercare? This is abuse. BDSM is not THIS, O’Brien--

I don’t write BDSM manuals. I write works of fiction based on autobiographical elements, or what I refer to as my subconscious running the show. In other words: Don't try this at home, kids.

Sarah Wendell wrote a great article, explaining her definition of what dark romance means to her:
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What exactly do people mean when they discuss a romance (or any piece of entertainment, really) being "dark?" "Light" is relatively easier to define: funny, friendly, not painfully emotional or wrenching. The opposite could be used to define "dark" romances, I suppose—serious in tone, emotionally powerful, potentially painful…a dark romance is one wherein there's going to be a happy ending eventually, but it'll hurt a bit first, for everyone involved, including me, the reader.

 I completely agree with her.

I don’t write upbeat, happy-go-lucky, light tales. I don’t like to read them. I’m not going to write them. You want erotica for titillation only, I say go for it. I’m not going to knock you for it. Not at all. But I like stories. Contemporary, real-to-life stories. I like character development. I like characters I love to hate. Real. Flawed. Round characters.  I like angst. I like emotion. I want to feel that flip in the pit of my stomach when I read. I want to find myself in the stories I read and write. I want to cry occasionally. I want to get aroused. The mind. In particular, a woman’s mind. That’s where it happens for me.
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So, because society is making me categorize my writing, I am sticking with Dark Romance. Dark because it’s a painful, emotional journey that isn’t always “right”; and romance, because yes, with me, there will eventually be a happy ending. And erotica? You bet. Without the hot sex, life would be just well…what would it be? Nothing. Great sex. It’s what makes us feel alive, isn’t it? Okay. And maybe banana pancakes. But that's another story entirely! 

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29 Comments
S.D.
4/16/2016 13:50:01

The scene in Temptation where Natalie hasn't eaten and he finally talks to her again. That scene made me so emotional. I actually know what you mean when you write about emotional connection. I did like the sex scenes of course but those moments of emotion are more powerful for me. I don't want to give awaythings to people but the scene in Thorn when she cries (punishment don't want to give away) I cried. I truly cried. It is dark but it is so good. Just needed to tell you!

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R.B.
4/18/2016 08:54:44

Awwww. Thank you, S.D. I almost forgot about that, I've been so focused on Thorne. Did you feel that way about Thorne in places or no?

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Master
4/16/2016 17:45:47

I did finish Thorne. I do think it's dark and I do think you have correctly categorized it. The crate. yeah. That's pretty dark and I liked it, Ms. O'Brien. Very much.

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R.B.
4/18/2016 10:01:50

Yes. I know. ;)

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Tori Dean
4/17/2016 08:33:55

Interesting post RB. Light, strong, dark a story is one that is perceived in many different ways. Don't bang your head against the wall. You can't please everyone.

Keep calm and keep writing YOUR story the way YOU want to!

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R.B.
4/18/2016 10:01:27

You are certainly right there, Tori. Thanks, sweetie.

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Kat link
4/17/2016 08:43:51

OMG - I feel your pain there! Whoever decided on these broad categories, which everything must be lumped into, and the many rules governing exactly what constitutes membership in one of them should be shot. I dislike labels and being stuck in narrow boxes as a general rule. This need we have to precisely define everything goes against art and expression. Why are some reader's expectations so narrow? We should be open to experiencing the author's world when we read.

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R.B.
4/18/2016 10:02:35

Well, Kat! What can we do about it? I pick you to fix it. LOL. If anyone can, it is you!

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Christina link
4/17/2016 09:22:42

Fantastic post R.B. Labels are way to constricting. People are often too critical and judgmental.

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R.B.
4/18/2016 10:03:04

Where would you categorize your writing if you had to? And you have to!

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Naya Free link
4/17/2016 09:31:46

I am currently reading Thorne, and besides the fact that I'm loving the story, with the two main characters showing their humanity, full of flaws, but also full of depth of emotion. Where your story stops being dark, it begins being romantic, a beautiful combination. Categorization can fail to indicate the true beauty inherent in a dark romance full of erotic scenes and painful yet exciting moments. Your blog post is making me think, but as a writer, you need not worry about category limits. You're fantastic!

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R.B.
4/18/2016 10:04:07

Thank you, Naya! I really appreciate that. The problem is that we're forced to categorize things. Gah. That's what I hate. And I think you're pretty fantastic too. ;)

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Reed James link
4/17/2016 09:40:45

I bet a lot of the complaints come from the BDSM community. When I was at BDSM writers con almost every one there harped on it. They want completely accurate depictions of their lifestyle when you're just trying to write a sexy fantasy.

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R.B.
4/18/2016 10:05:46

Thank you, Reed. I am hoping to go incognito to the NYC con. It will be beyond interesting. I just hate that people can't enjoy their own kinks without judgment. There are all kinds of grey (sorry for the pun). I really respect your knowledge! Thanks for commenting.

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Maya DeLeina link
4/17/2016 10:41:53


Our stories fall into categorization, and within that, another full spectrum. It comes down to opinion and how each of us interprets the storyline. Keep writing what makes you feel alive and captures that emotional journey and fantasy that you think embodies dark romance.

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R.B.
4/24/2016 09:40:56

Thanks, Maya. It's really up the characters, isn't it?

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Rose link
4/17/2016 10:48:04

While I have not read your books YET, it is difficult for any writer to choose what best fits our genre to get to the right readers. But I also know that it's your story to tell the way you want to write it .Chin Up. Head high. Keep writing 🌹🌹🌹

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R.B.
4/24/2016 09:41:36

Always! And you too!

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Mandi
4/17/2016 13:07:31

People have and always will have their own definitions of what "dark" is. To me Thorne was correctly classified. It did have the elements of dark in there aswell as BDSM elements.
I can imagine for you as a writer, this is annoying when people question your description of your work. However, do not get caught up in it. It's your work so you should classify it as you see fit.
Just keep on writing your amazing stories.

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R.B.
4/24/2016 09:44:00

With your support, I shall! :) Thanks, Mandi.

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SKS link
4/17/2016 14:45:10

Great blog as usual, RB. This is precisely why I don't read reviews before I purchase a book, blurbs yes, reviews rarely. Everything is subjective, literally everything. One person's 'dark' is another person's trigger' or perhaps even a taboo. It's the same with the HEA conundrum which sends many into a frenzy of frothing bile. My response is simple. If you don't like a bit of sweet with your savory, find another chef. Your books are beautifully-written, your characters intriguing and their journeys always worth sharing.

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R.B.
4/24/2016 09:43:22

Perhaps this should be copied/pasted into another blog I just read? :)

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Bre Meli
4/20/2016 11:10:55

I read about a few other authors having reviews like this. Someone is going around just hating on books. Don't let it get to you! There are so many more lovers than garters around here! <3

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R.B.
4/24/2016 09:44:39

Really? That's horrible. Thanks for the heads up!

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Ray G
4/20/2016 21:10:23

I just discovered your writing. I put Thorne on my Amazon Wish List. I had intended to wait to read later, but after our conversation I realized I had to start the book to continue. I am now at the beginning of Chapter Two. Along with reading this blog I am sure that I am going to read your writing.

I do like humor in Romance sometimes, but I prefer The darker more serious writing. Beginning with humor then going all serious is the way I prefer humor in a book. The humor needs to be just an introduction to topic and characters.

I like your Facebook Author page. It felt like a personal appeal to try your work.

The first chapter of Thorne was enough to get me to want to continue reading. I am not one who criticizes an author for not writing a how to book. I want to be entertained and you like to entertain. That is what I want. I do want to learn what makes everyone different. Being formulaic to a fault doesn't allow for that.

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R.B.
4/24/2016 09:42:29

Thank you, Ray! Please. Keep me posted. There is a slight...twist. ;)

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SWN
4/24/2016 14:21:15

YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME. Sorry but I didn't know where else to write you that message without seeming creepy or intrusive. I have just read every blog post & finished 3 out of 4 books. I have left you my email if you'd like to discuss further. I think you have much much talent.I do hope to hear from you.

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Aiden Darke
4/30/2016 10:48:03

People have to understand it's fiction. Write what the hell you like. People can choose to like it or not like it. Any why does real world BDSM have so many rules? Do what you enjoy. Safe, sane and consensual are rules enough aren't they?

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Karen Victoria Williams
6/15/2017 14:18:05

It often amuses me, the passion that comes when someone feels a certain subject matter has been misrepresented. It's my opinion, involvement in the lifestyle, would indicate a willingness to be flexible. Even basic rules may be done away with, depending on the nature of your relationships. There may be a naming convention that gives a general description of a kink, but I have yet to encounter anyone persons' preferences to be exactly the same as mine. That's the beauty of our humanity. I am unique. It may be helpful to give a basic description of a scene, but there have never been two scenes exactly alike. And I love that! Part of the emotional roller coaster I enjoy, as a sub, is never really knowing what is in store for me, or how my boundaries may be pushed. I love being pushed outside of my comfort zones. Comfort zones get boring for me, even while they hold a certain safety. Categories, for me, are just a place to start...

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  • Home
  • About R.B. O'Brien and The NuR
  • FREE BOOKS and BOOKS ON SALE
  • ALL MY BOOKS
  • STEAMY ROMANCE
  • NEW ADULT ROMANCE
  • POETRY
  • GOTHIC LITERATURE
  • AUDIOS and VISUALS
  • BLOG POSTS and Musings