3/21/2019 Head-Hopping. What Say You? What Is the Difference Between Omniscient POV and Head-Hopping?Read NowI'm having a dang time with my latest novel, which I love, let me tell you! It's my first foray into Third Person, Omniscient (I've done limited before), and I fear the dreaded swear word: "Head-Hopping." How does an author get into the heads of her characters without jarring the reader out of the groove? I've come across two blog articles I share with you here, and there seems to be no definitive answers! I'll share them with you here: WHAT MAKES OMNISCIENT POV DIFFERENT FROM HEAD-HOPPING and THE OFFICIAL RULES ON HEAD-HOPPING. So because this argument runs the gamut, I'd like to ask you to read a short excerpt and provide your opinion. Can I head-hop within the same scene? Or is that a big no-no? Do I need to only switch perspectives from chapter to chapter? (Oh. That will really fuck things up!). Did you even notice? If Nora Roberts can do it, why can't I? (Don't answer that. I realize the obvious answer. LOL!) I welcome your comments. Please! Constructive. Brutal. Honest. Just Feedback PLEASE! I'm so close to finishing this story...Thank you for your help! UNEDITED EXCERPT:
“Okay.” She started to comb her hair and realized how snarled it was, as she hadn’t left the conditioner in long enough, fretting over Colton in her dorm room, alone, doing who knows what. “You can come sit on the bed with me. I don’t bite, Princess,” Colton offered. She was petrified. Petrified that he would see how affected she was by his presence. She had this wet discomforting ache between her thighs just by being in the room with him, so close, and yet she didn’t want to let on. “I know that.” She walked over and sat down. “So…we left off pretty early. I think we have seven questions to go.” He looked for the handout in his book bag as she tried to yank the comb out of her hair, realizing it was stuck. “Fuck,” she grumbled. Colton started laughing. “Need help?” “No. I’m fine.” She pulled the comb in vain. “Come here.” He scooted over to her, leaving little to no room between them. She held her breath as Colton tangled his fingers in her hair, trying to free the rogue comb. His hand accidentally brushed her breast and she gasped, not knowing if he even realized it. She thought she might actually hyperventilate. “Do you have it?” she asked, barely audible. “You have so much hair, Lauren,” he spoke softly back to her, and she felt her body trembling. He was rarely kind to her. Her face was only inches from his. She could smell a mixture of chocolate and something else, something she was dying to taste on his breath. He looked into her eyes, smoldering her, igniting her in such a way that she had to suppress every urge, every instinct, every desire not to beg him to kiss her. She almost just blurted it out. It felt like they were frozen like that, stuck in the moment, both desiring one another and not being able to act or move. He got closer, if that was even possible, trying to remove the tangled hair from the comb. He didn’t let go of her eyes. “Why were you crying today, Lauren?” His voice was husky, low. She didn’t want to answer. She didn’t want to wreck whatever moment they were having. “Tell me,” he whispered. She shut her eyes. Squeezed them tight. She didn’t want to tell him. She didn’t want to admit that he had affected her, was affecting her. She didn’t want to tell him her whole, horrible past. His fingers danced in her hair and she stifled a moan. It felt so good. He grabbed her face in his hands. “Look at me.” He spoke so tenderly. She didn’t understand him, what he was doing with her. One minute cold. The next, hot. “Please,” he said. “Look at me.” She opened her eyes as he held her face in place. He wanted to kiss her, desperately. He knew she wanted him to, at least in that moment. He knew she did. Her eyes told him everything. And right then, they were a brilliant blue. “Colton.” Her tone was greedy, begging for something. “I don’t want you to cry.” And what he said next was not what he had planned. “I want to make it better.” She couldn’t breathe. It was all-consuming. He was all consuming. It was a pleasurable suffocation, but it would kill her if he didn’t do something, kiss her, tell her he cared, something, anything. Her whole body pulsed. Her lower belly tightened into something she had never felt as warmth spread out between her thighs. She felt like she'd never be able to catch her breath. “What the…” Beth froze upon opening the door. Colton let go and Lauren pushed herself away from him as quickly as she could, letting all the air escape her lungs that she had been holding in, as he left her there, wobbling, unsure of what had just happened. Lauren tried to find composure, embarrassed, searching Colton’s eyes again, but he was gone, distant, holding the questionnaire, as if they hadn’t just shared a tender, close moment. “What’s going on Masters?” Beth probed. “Are you okay, Lauren?” “Yeah of course…I…we…” “She’s fine, Beth. We were just catching up on some homework. I was just leaving.” “Homework? Really, Colton? You must think I’m stupid or blind or something.” “I got my comb stuck in my hair,” Lauren explained, pointing to the virtual bird’s nest stuck in her hair. “Colton was helping me to get it out.” “Oh shit.” Beth couldn’t help but start laughing. “Let me.” Beth sat next to them on the bed, taking up the space between them that had appeared the moment she opened the door and ruined the moment. Colton stood up. “Later,” he said as he made his way to the door. His white t-shirt was dripping wet from Lauren’s hair. She couldn’t believe how close he had been to her. She didn’t want him to leave. “I’ll walk you out,” Lauren offered and got up as Colton was already exiting the room. “No need, Lauren. I’ve got stuff to do.”
35 Comments
Diane
3/21/2019 12:14:23
I dont see it! I want more. i have messaged you. Can't wait, Rosemary!
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R.B. O'Brien
3/21/2019 12:20:29
Really? Okay. Thank you for your feedback. I see it and hear it...and almost don't care. But I must! :)
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Maria Dalmau
3/21/2019 12:34:40
Being completely honest I don't see anything wrong with this excerpt, I just want more.
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R.B. O'Brien
3/21/2019 20:49:55
Okay, Maria! Thank you so much for reading it! I appreciate it.
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Stacy Mann
3/21/2019 12:40:00
Honestly I absolutely loved it.
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R.B. O'Brien
3/21/2019 20:50:30
You did? Oh! I'm thrilled to hear that. Thank you!
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3/21/2019 12:53:02
Was a wonderful short into to your work. Had no problems with the POV.
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R.B. O'Brien
3/21/2019 20:51:06
Perhaps I'm worrying over nothing too drastic then! I don't know. Thank you for reading.
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Sabrina
3/21/2019 13:14:29
I REALLY love this! WHEN??
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R.B. O'Brien
3/21/2019 20:52:33
I would say this summer! Not exactly sure. When! I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's so hard to find an excerpt that can stand alone without being too long!
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Rita Hanway
3/21/2019 13:24:34
The part where he say's "he wanted to kiss her" threw me off in the middle of the intense buildup. Most of the dialogue was her interaction and that short piece could easily be worded thru her eyes. Having said that, I didn't read the articles just your excerpt as a reader and I am not a writer. I have put this on my to read list when it's available. Hope this helps.
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R.B. O'Brien
3/21/2019 20:54:00
It does help. Thank you! And that is the exact spot. Some of the research I've done says as long as it's separate paragraphs and that it's equal. But as you point out, it's his first thought in this scene that I shared...and that could be a problem. So I really appreciate this!
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Karin
3/21/2019 14:08:36
Especially in intense (steamy) scenes head hopping is hard to avoid and when there are two people in the scene I don’t mind it.
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R.B. O'Brien
3/21/2019 20:55:08
Good question! And I will go back and read it all and see WHY I felt the need for it there. Perhaps it's hard without the full context and the rest of the book!
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Bobbi
3/21/2019 15:35:18
I see it, but the way you have written the scene - all that lovely tension - the hopping is secondary. If you MUST do something - use a **** mark between POV as a warning, but NO MORE or you run the risk of breaking the tension. . .
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R.B. O'Brien
3/21/2019 20:56:29
Oh. Thank you so much! I'm pleased you enjoyed it. And I do think the *** will ruin the flow. What I need to decide is IF his POV needs to be inserted there or not. Perhaps he could "think" about that moment in the next chapter, which is more his. Thank you again!
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Mary
3/21/2019 18:55:08
The switch wasn't too jarring, but that could have been because I was expecting it. If the consensus is to stay away from head hopping then you have to decide if his thoughts in that moment are important enough to share.
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R.B. O'Brien
3/21/2019 20:57:32
Hi, Mary. Thank you so much for your comment. Yes. I do believe that is the crux of the question. One I will need to think about as I edit. I'm glad it didn't completely derail you!
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Darlene
3/21/2019 21:19:50
R.B... I not 100% conversant on Omniscient but I could definitely see that subtle switch between POV's with out it being overwhelming.
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Darlene Carroll
3/21/2019 21:28:05
I actually loved having that switch in POV occur... even if it's subtle and momentary - you get that glimpse into what's happening for both characters at the same time instead of having to guess subtext.
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Sebastian Nox
3/21/2019 22:54:05
This is sexual tension done right. Subtle POV switch. Not jarring. I was immersed in the moment as Lauren!
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R.B. O'Brien
3/22/2019 09:01:30
Are you sure?
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Jay
3/21/2019 22:56:54
I think you need to be careful. Switching in the same thought can really kill a scene. I do not believe this is not the case here though. Make sure it doesn't happen in the same paragraphs and make sure it is pretty even throughout the story.i’m much more interested in what is between those thighs. :)
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R.B. O'Brien
3/22/2019 09:02:20
Hahaha! Well...you'll just have to get the book when it finally comes out! Thanks, Jay!
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Michael
3/21/2019 22:58:55
You can't head-hop within the same scene. Sorry.
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R.B. O'Brien
3/22/2019 09:02:59
Did you ever go back and fix it? Or did you just leave it? Which book?
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Josh
3/22/2019 09:23:59
It's a no-no.
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R.B. O'Brien
6/24/2019 12:11:23
Still?
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DeeSee
3/22/2019 10:13:27
Ok, well I don't see it and it doesn't bother me a bit. Two people in a romantic situation, each with a perspective, Your writing is wonderful, real and immediate. Anyone that says otehrwise must prefer to loose the emotional edge between two people. This is part of emotional involvement, how each person is affected by the other and their surroundings!
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R.B.
6/24/2019 12:11:48
I'm so close!!! And I can't wait for you to read it either!
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3/22/2019 12:16:08
To be completely honest I didn't catch it while I was reading I had to reread the scene over again to find it. I think the tension you feel while reading this scene covers the fact that you even did that to most readers unless your audience is going to be the type who specifically looks for small details like that. I think it went well with this and I can't wait to read it.
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R.B.
6/24/2019 12:12:28
I have fixed a few things to make sure it's separate, at least by paragraphs, so...I hope it works!
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3/24/2019 08:42:39
I didn't even spot it the first time I read it. It was only seen on the second pass, and even then, it didn't jar in the slightest. I have read other people's work where it is glaringly obvious, but the power of your writing makes it far less so. I'm a bit of a rebel as far as rules are concerned, so I'm not really the best person to ask. I think if you stick rigidly to rules, it might be technically correct, but can also stifle the power of the words. Go with gut instinct has usually been my motto. I look forward to reading it.
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R.B.
6/24/2019 12:13:15
Thank you, Rachel! I've worked on it, and will continue to do so! But it's staying. Bring on the negative reviews. I'm loving this one!
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6/24/2019 12:25:11
YAY! Another rebel. I like it. Write from the gut, and you can't go wrong (in my opinion.) Rules are for schools, not we grown ups! If it sounds right to your ears, then it almost certainly will be right. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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