How many of you masturbate? Look at all those hands! LOL! Duh. We all do, don’t we? Seriously, is there anyone who doesn’t? Do you ever wonder why some things have become completely taboo to talk about or to admit? Can you think of other things we don’t admit or lie about? Where has all this denial come from? Religion, I think, would be the quick and fast (no not masturbation—you, dirty minds, you!! 😉) answer to this question. But what of other things we hide, especially in public, silly things? For instance, don’t pick your nose in public. My mother always said NEVER to do this. Get yourself a tissue and do it discreetly. Okay. But why can’t I pick it, put it in the tissue, and throw it in the trash and then wash my hands? Seriously. Another—don’t pick your wedgie. Heaven forbid someone should see you sticking your finger in your ass. Heavens no! Get yo’ butt to the bathroom and deal with that shit privately. Or better yet, suffer with it and pretend it’s not there! (For you masochists—you don’t count!) 😉 Okay. Okay. I’m sure some of you are cringing and pursing your lips and saying, “Ewwww…” We can understand these things. These things are just…GROSS… and you can probably think of a few, even “grosser,” examples. I’ll concede! But what about other things? Things that aren’t GROSS? Kissing, for instance. We’re told not to do this in public. Remember those no PDA days? My goodness. You might make someone feel uncomfortable, and we can’t have that! And what about crying? How many times have you bit your lip, hard, trying not to allow tears to flow down your face, and even in situations where you damn well SHOULD be crying, forcing yourself to think of rainbows and butterflies, anything but the feeling that is rising up into to throat, about to overflow at any moment. A funeral perhaps. Or at a movie theatre, where you must continually apologize for being…human! Why must we hide what fundamentally makes us human? Things we ALL DO! Dogs? They’ll eat their own crap for goodness sake and make no bones about it! Cats? My god! They bath their whole bodies and lick themselves clean! (Bet some of you wish your tongues were that long and your bodies that flexible!). And then there’s the gender norms (and strictly speaking American norms here). Girls shouldn’t sweat or burp or laugh loudly; but boys—no problem! Have at it! It’s encouraged even!
Hiding human frailties, as trivial and cheeky as this post seems, is asinine. There is no one among us who doesn’t do these things. It’s as natural as breathing, and yet, we’re made to feel inferior or lesser than or guilty if we indulge in these things and by whose standards? Who came up with this? Today, I decree kissing as inappropriate frivolity that cannot be done in public. Stamp. I wonder—would people have less mental health issues—depression, anxiety, etc.—if we started small? We want to blame big things—TV, video games, the internet, high-stakes testing—but it may be as small as realizing, a teardrop is beautiful. And being uniquely human is a gift not a curse. Aaah…and there’s another. Cursing! Well, fuck this! I, Rosemary O’Brien, admit to all those things above and more. Don’t like me now? Oh well…in this case, it’s not worth crying about. But if I feel like it, I will. And I won’t apologize for it. In fact, this post has got me thinking a good round of masturbation might relax me, I’ve gotten so riled up writing this. But don’t worry. 😊 I’ll do it behind closed doors.
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Today I ponder gender identity. And what it means for the future. If you haven’t noticed, the world is changing, and hopefully, becoming more aware and accepting and tolerant. I work in a liberal environment, and in an establishment that recognizes this. It’s as natural as breathing where I live and function. But I realize it’s not so in other parts of our beloved country. And to me, that is tragic. But I’m not asking about whether you believe in the changes. What I wonder is how the changing world is going to handle this in writing and in speaking. Having taught now for 7 years, I see the trends from when I first started teaching to now. As English teachers around the country used to cringe when pronouns didn’t match in number (one is he or she not they), in writing or public speaking, we’ve started to loosen our grip on those “rules.” While we’ve certainly learned a long time ago that “man” and “he” no longer apply to men AND women, it started to become cumbersome to ALWAYS have to write “he” or “she” or say “he” or “she.” We finally agreed—Okay. Okay. Use “they” if you must but change it to people or persons to match! And that can work…but it’s not. Trust me. As colleges around the country (including mine) change with the times, now we allow students to tell us what pronouns they use. In fact, it’s the first thing we do at orientation days—hand out name tags and ask students to write their pronouns. And further, our class rosters, now allow students to have the names they’d like used, rather than the name they were given at birth (Records holds the “real” names for tax purposes, financial aid, and the like.) In addition, many emails from professors are also signed with the pronouns they’d like to go by or be addressed with. All fine. Great. Inclusive acceptance. But let’s face it. This is getting too wordy and a little ridiculous. Not because I don’t believe in the idea of it, the idea that people should be who they ARE, but that perhaps we need one pronoun. Period. Language morphs with civilizations. Surely, we could pick one pronoun for singular and one pronoun for plural? Couldn’t we? When I first started watching Billions, and Taylor used “they” and all forms of it to identify “their” non-binary gender (and none of the other actors/characters blinked when using it themselves)—I thought—yes! Brilliant. So why can’t we all? What difference does it make? It would take time. It might take work. But give it a few years…and—guess what? Just like words like tweets or selfie or binge-watching or photo bombing or a million others didn’t exist before, so, too, could this change. Rosemary O’Brien for president you say? LOL. Nah. Warren is on “their” way. 😉 “He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” ~ Socrates Do you agree with this quote? Is this true for everyone? Is it human nature to never truly be satisfied? I wonder…are we always looking for…more? In one of my classes the other day, a student bragged that she can get all her music at such and such a place for $5, that she needn’t buy the music, that the entire album could be gotten for this cost. She bragged of the money she was saving, and I asked her: “But what of the artist who created it? Shouldn’t they be compensated for the amount of work they put into it? For their art?” And she looked at me like I was crazy. “Who cares,” she said with a roll of her eyes. Ironically, in another conversation I overheard, a physics teacher discussed jobs vs. careers with one of his students, saying that many of the “great” scientists had “jobs” to pay the bills but did things in the arts, the things they loved, on the side to be fulfilled and happy. Are, then, the arts and so forth, something that should be given away for free? Would we all be better off with “jobs,” contributing to society in a well-oiled kinda of way, the arts and music and writing be left to everyone to share with one another more freely? Would we all be happier this way? Of course, this is a more socialist way of thinking, but is money the only validation in life to success or happiness? Or is that only a capitalist's way of thinking?
And it got me thinking too, about selling books, the amount of time and effort that goes into it. Would I, personally, be happier taking all my books off the market, and simply sharing it freely, without the strain or stress of sales? Certainly, there are many writers who make a living off their writing, but the vast majority of us do not. I make, in a year, about what I can make teaching a couple courses. Should, then, the arts be something that is just freely given for the pure beauty of it? I’ve been at this racket for five years now, and some days, I really don’t know if it’s worth it. I’m fortunate that my “job” and my “career” of teaching lend itself to my creative side daily. But I’ve finally accepted that I’m a writer, that I am a poet. It’s a part of me, for better or worse. I do write for the pure joy…so why sell it then? And so, I look inward and ask myself what I asked you all above. With each small step to success, does it only make me want more? Does money, as a motivator, only lead to dissatisfaction? I suppose I’ll have to let you know when I’m famous beyond Papua New Guinea (inside joke—but those of you who have been following me for a while, may understand). For now, I try to find contentment with what I have. There’s been a bit of…hmmmm…I’m not really sure what to call it. Nastiness? Drama? Controversy? Whatever you call it, I’m not being a part of it. Perhaps you’re wondering what I’m talking about? And I took a long time today deciding whether or not I should write about it. Am I just adding fire to the flames by writing my whole response this way? I don’t think so. I have every right to voice my opinion. And I believe there needs to be more support in the indie community rather than in-fighting. I'm tired of it. Let me say this: If you’re an author/writer/poet, and you think putting down other authors publicly is fun, or you think you’re one hundred times better than other writers, or you can’t have a conversation or healthy debate about writing but turn to name-calling or worse, have others do it for you, I’m out. I’m not here to do that. I’m here to raise and lift others, write, share my work, and celebrate the written word with readers and fellow authors. If I don’t like another author’s writing, that’s that. I don’t read it. Or support it much or at all. (If it is abuse or something nefarious, that is different. I’m not talking about that.) And if you enjoy being involved with authors who do that as a reader or as their fan club, and if I see you being a part of that or a leader of it, jumping on a bandwagon to verbally assault other authors, I’m out of there too. With that said, I believe authors should try to be as honest as they can, that if they say something is autobiographical it should be, and that they shouldn’t be passing things off as the gospel truth. Remember that book there that Oprah recommended? A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, the guy who said it was autobiographical when it wasn’t? Not cool. I agree. Go, Oprah. Glad he got his rear-end handed to him. But see how it came to the surface because of astute readers? Not some other author leading some kind of witch hunt? No one likes dishonesty or being fed a crockpot of lies. No one. But in this indie community, if readers can’t figure that out for themselves, it’s not my job to take care of it. That shit takes care of itself. Watching authors act like petulant and jealous competitors is not my jam. I like to stick with those who support others vying for a chance. I like the underdogs. I love the indie community and the authors I’ve met along the way with the same mentality. I have too much going on in my flesh and blood life to worry about people typing anonymously behind a screen, suddenly so brave, who believe it’s okay to attack and ridicule others. If we can’t have a conversation like adults, if you’re here to make waves to sell books, good luck drowning. I won’t be there to lend a preserver. I’ll be long gone by then.
Peace. |
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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