I can’t connect with “real life” friends on Facebook or Tweet them my favorite event of the day or share a review I got on my books. Because I teach, and just the nature of my life in general, people in my ‘circles’ would never understand. They certainly wouldn’t believe I write what I write. Everyone I know knows that I write, of course, I write much for my job that is not erotic-related, but they will never know my books of fiction or my stories. It’s just not worth it to be judged like that. Never mind that I need my job and happen to truly love it.
But…I must write what I write or wither and perish altogether. It’s my only outlet to explore things I can’t begin to understand about myself or explore in real life.
Before I published the Natalie’s Edge series, I didn’t have a Facebook page, couldn’t even fathom the concept of Twitter, and creating a website or blog? I used to pride myself a Luddite actually. The social media stuff just seemed to be asking for trouble in my line of profession.
Case in point: My very first job out of college was teaching high school seniors, and I was just barely older than they were. Things got a little sticky at times to say the least. I certainly didn’t want to open any more doors than were necessary. Some of the stereotypes are true. Boys are horny ALL THE TIME. (And no. I do not find that exciting in the least bit. Sorry.) So social media? I didn’t want that kind of trouble. Why would I open those kinds of doors?
So why do I tell you all of this? Because some of you are becoming a very real part of my life, in this crazy virtual world. I’ve connected with many of you, would love to have a beer or a glass of wine with a few of you (you know who you are!), and a part of me wishes everything didn’t have to be so secret. At times, I feel much closer to many of you than I do to some of my real-life companions. How strange it has become!
Because honestly, as Shakespeare wrote, WHAT’S IN A NAME? It couldn’t be more accurate. A name is a label. It doesn’t make the person. Behind every pseudonym is a human being, alive, full of feelings and emotions, ideas, thoughts, seeking out advice, caring about the lives of those around her in the virtual sphere. We share bits and pieces each and every day, opening up, becoming closer with others, thinking about them upon the very first breath of morning and the very last before bed. It’s much harder than I thought it would be to remain hidden. In fact, many of you know more than most.
So while we may hide our names, we do not hide ourselves. We are just people, trying to make the best of it each day, trying to have a go at it. I didn’t expect to feel things for people I may never meet. And there are days, I question what I’m doing and my sanity.
I wish society was more open, more open to sex, to erotica, to writing taboo subjects. But presently, that is impossible. So I share my triumphs and failures with you. Thank you for letting me.