Why am I so drawn to the dark and mysterious man? The man who warns me, who tells me he’s damaged? Why does a nice, sweet man, who gives me love and kindness daily bore me?
Recently a friend told me to search myself. To take time to listen. To hear what my soul had to say. To look deep into my childhood for answers. To find and discover who I am. I have done so. There IS NOT some hidden answer to discover. There is not some dark secret I have buried. My childhood was idyllic, loving, warm. I had wonderful parents. A loving home. I wanted for nothing, though I did not have a lot of money. I did have unconditional love. So I don’t know why I am the way I am. I like it dark. I like it dangerous. And I’m also too afraid to really embrace what I want. Fear. It’s a driving force in my life. But it keeps me safe. So I tip-toe around what I really need and want. I get close to it, and then I pull back. I grab it and push it away. I teeter on the edge and never quite can fall over… I welcome answers. But maybe there aren’t any answers to be had. Like so many things, not all things are that simple.
7 Comments
J
11/11/2015 11:30:24
If you don't lose this fear R.B., I worry for you happiness. I am here for you.
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S.D.
11/11/2015 11:40:57
Hi! As usual, I love reading what u write. Perhaps falling would give u what u don't really want. Mayb it's just fantasy & mayb u kno that. Better left there. So don't beat urself up.
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11/11/2015 12:07:26
You're one of the most honest people I know, RB, so it comes as no surprise you'd share this. Fear is the demon that keeps us inert, the great un-motivator, the curse; and sometimes the best way to deal with a demon is to look it in the eye and say, "Hell no! I want what I want." Will you stumble? Maybe. Then again, maybe not. And just maybe you'll find that the object of your obsession, that 'dark and mysterious damaged man' is simply fearful too.
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Sir
11/11/2015 12:41:25
The question to ask yourself is what you are actually afraid of. Is it of getting hurt? If that is your answer then the answer to that is-aren't you already hurting?
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Sam
11/11/2015 12:54:19
I'm a psychologist RB. Many girls like the bad boy. I find it especially true with sweet people, sweet girls who think they can change a boy/man. You write romantic novels. Most romantic novels have that element. The good girl who can save the bad boy. Most times i will warn you. that is impossible. I don't mean to get so serious but I do see alot of abusive relationships. The boy treats the girl badly and then apologizes, only to continue to do it again and again. It's fun to be THE girl who can tame a guy. I caution you though. Most bad boys have very good reasons of why they are bad. Many of those reasons are not pretty. Those like that can be helped but they have to do it professionally and they often don't know what loving a person really looks like. Ok. I went on too long there RB. I guess I just caution you. I see your sweetness. Don't get sucked in. Michael from your book is an exception you made up remember.
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Gloriana
11/11/2015 21:43:13
Rubbish. We like the bad boy because they know how to make us cum. LOL
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Leslie
1/3/2016 13:14:44
Great post. Not sure how I missed it. Honestly--there are always answers. You have to keep searching. They will come to you.
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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