Today I ask: Would you rather be with your best friend and have adequate sex for a lifetime or be with a passionate lover filled with angst and torment but incredible sex? You can’t have both! Of course we’d all say we want both, that we’d choose our best friend and exquisite lover, but how many of us actually can find that? How many of you have? Is that an allusion fed to us? Is it really possible to have the lover of our dreams AND our best friend? What if we find it but only after we’ve already made a commitment to someone else? How many of us settle, picking the easier life, the life that keeps us from possibly being alone? Why? Why do we do this? Are we that afraid we can’t “have it all” and so follow like sheep and do what society expects of us? Is it really the best we think we can get? It makes wonder if that is why so many couples cheat on one another. Sit here and say how wrong it is all you want, but it is as common as breathing. And we all know it. Just look around. And so this leads me to my real question of the day and my #ThursdayThoughts. Are open relationships something we should all be striving for? Is that possible? I have mixed feelings on this issue and I realize as I ponder this how very selfish it is. I think about myself. And I think about how truly spectacular it could be to have the liberty to have the best of both worlds, openly. No lying. No cheating. No deceit. No hurt feelings. Just an open understanding that monogamy is a bit far-fetched perhaps. That we find our needs fulfilled by different people at different times, much like friendships. Some days I need a break from say, my childhood best friend, and need to be with my best friend from work, who understands me now, not the Rosemary of middle school or high school. And other times, I want to revisit an ex-boyfriend, now friend, because he may understand things about me without me having to spell everything out, because he was a part of making me who I am. I wonder if this is a topic that can be discussed AFTER the commitment or if it would destroy it if the other person isn’t on board. What is wrong with me? Aren’t I enough? What is missing? And so on…I think someone who has a need for BDSM elements who chooses a vanilla partner might struggle with this…and chooses, chooses to decide on that first question I posed—best friend or best lover. But would an open relationship keep the trust in loyalty intact? Is it healthier? Or would it destroy it? When I think of the idea for myself, I like it. But when I think about those I love or have loved doing it, it makes me feel insecure, inadequate, even jealous. And so, is it fair that I should lust after something that I wouldn’t want done on the other side? Double standard much? Yup. It sure is. And I think I’d be very happy that way. :)
7 Comments
Ashlee
9/20/2018 22:07:34
Great post with some terrific questions. Made me think, which is great.
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Truth Hurts
9/21/2018 08:59:03
Dear girl,
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9/20/2019 16:31:48
Dear Truth Hurts,
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9/21/2018 14:04:35
Nice job.
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Blue Eyes
9/28/2018 14:20:34
This is a hard subject with me of late, as I can’t handle boredom. So would I want average sex with a friend or fantastic sex with torment depends on the torment? As I guy who enjoyed being kinky early and putting it off for what seemed a lifetime. Then just recently decided not to be a vanilla lover ever again, but the problem is trying to find the right woman who will appreciate me as I would appreciate her.
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Xtina Marie
5/21/2020 22:04:00
I honestly thought that that kind of relationship only existed in the movies- or in my favorite romance novels. And the thing that I am preaching now, that I wish everyone would hear- is to wait. To take your time when searching for a mate. Be sure you are compatible. Too often we settle, and after awhile we realize we made a mistake, and then feel trapped. Love- the amazing butterflies in your tummy love, as well as the talk all night with your best friend love- exist! You just have to find it,
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Dee
6/7/2022 08:28:32
I think it is a fantasy. Self doubt and fear overrides sexual fantasy and desires. Finding somone who is confident enouh to allow and support it is unrealistic!
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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