Well, it’s that time of year, where happiness and glee meet sadness and longing. It’s the second year without my mom but I don’t quite remember last year and so this year, I’m cognizant and feeling and breathing in and out every moment. It’s calm. Yup. Without rehashing it all, put simply: It’s calm without my mom. My mom was the serious one. The boss. The rule maker. My dad was the goofy one. The artist. The rule breaker. He died too young. And I miss him. A lot. Not every day. I’d be lying. Life is too hectic and crazy for that. But he seeps into my spirit often, especially this time of year. One thing we all did as a family, and my brother and I have tried to continue, is that on Christmas Eve Eve—tonight—we watch It’s a Wonderful Life. I’ve written about this before. Somewhere. Not here. Egg nog, spiked of course when we got older, the night my mom let her hair down. The night we giggled. The night we cried. And the night we just had nowhere to go but be together in the warmth of family. I never didn’t want to do this. Not as a teenager. Not when I went away to college. And not now. It’s still one of my favorite movies. You see, and of course I couldn’t have known that then, the movie reminds me of my dad. In so many ways. My dad was George Bailey. He was a thriving businessman who lost almost all of it by the end—and that was because he had such a kind heart. Trust me. I’m living proof of that. He started his business with just himself. He had a dream. Soon, he had a few employees. By the end, he had over 70 employees working for him. He truly lived the American dream, even if things fell apart at the end. And they fell apart because of others’ greed. Disloyalty. Dishonesty. And it never stopped him from being kind. I know he hurt. But he didn’t show it. And he certainly didn’t retaliate. And his friends were still aplenty. He truly was the richest man in town. I went to a private college. And even when we were financially struggling, my dad refused to take one dime he had saved for me to go and come out from an extremely expensive college with a 500-dollar-only debt. He gave me that gift. But the gift he really gave me was love and kindness and the gift of laughter. Tonight, as I watch It’s a Wonderful Life, I watch it full-well knowing that, though I am not religious, he long ago got his wings and my mother is now right there beside him.
8 Comments
S.D.
12/23/2016 11:23:07
I love you Rb.
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Nia Farrell
12/23/2016 11:54:22
A beautiful tribute, and a wonderful legacy. Here or there, our dads are proud of us.
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Leslie
12/23/2016 13:00:50
Merry Christmas. That brought tears to my eyes.
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Tori Dean
12/24/2016 09:37:22
Merry Christmas hun...keep your head high and be proud because your dad is watching you and with you every single second. Hugs
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Claudia
12/25/2016 19:07:01
First time visitor. Nervous to write. LOL *blows kiss* I love your writing. Nice to know you a bit more. You seem untouchable but now i feel different. Merry Christmas.
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12/20/2018 20:11:53
Beautiful memories of your Mom and Dad. I'm sorry you lost your Dad so young. I've been lucky. My Dad is now very old, but I know that one day, this year, next year, tomorrow? it will all be over for him. Christmas is especially poignant as we remember the ones we love. And yes, It's A Wonderful Life is one of my favourite films too.
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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