Over the last couple of weeks, the topics of writing erotica, and erotic romance in particular, keep coming up. Questions of what constitutes the different genres of writing--erotica, erotic romance, dark romance, and the like—are being asked and with good reason. Somewhere out there in the collective minds, even among some in the erotic genres themselves, the prevalent idea is somehow that writing erotica or erotic romance is not “real writing.” And that ruffles my feathers. I have had several interactions that led me to write this blog. Quite frankly, I’m sick of the stereotypes. Let me be clear: I. Am. A. Writer.
For those of you who know me, I’m a huge fan of Shakespeare. During a fun romp on Facebook, a Shakespearean insult meme made its way around, and we all commented and tossed about some insults and admitted how much the Bard has affected us all one way or another. I sent a friend request to someone who I particularly enjoyed reading his Shakespearean wit and repertoire and he immediately responded with a (and yes, I will overindulge here): “Hey. You may be an okay person, but you write erotica. I write REAL books. Sorry. I can’t be friends with the likes of you.” It wouldn’t be the first time something very similar has happened. “Sorry. I have to unfriend you. My girlfriend might get suspicious.” Or: “My circle of friends just wouldn’t understand that I talk to a writer of erotica.” You may be laughing. But I’m not making this stuff up—that somehow I’m some horny degenerate who only thinks about sex or having sex with others, that I couldn’t possibly have a mind or a flare for writing anything but smutty, pappy trash, that I am going to share nude photos of myself at the turn of a dime. Because, of course, what else would an erotic romance writer possibly be capable of? Let me tell you. We who write erotica or erotic romance care about the same things every writer cares about. Are there holes in my story? Does the dialogue work? Sound realistic? Do my verb tenses match? Did I use the right word choice? Does my story make you care about the characters? Does the imagery do it justice? Are there places that didn’t make sense? But more than that, we ask: Can you see and feel my characters’ emotions? Did you feel their feelings as they were happening to them? Their love? Their lust? Their angst? Their sadness? Their anger? Is there pathos or hamartia in the protagonist’s or antagonist’s journey? Yeah. Sounds like real writing to me. Don’t tell me because I choose to include graphic sexual content in my writing that it is now somehow subpar or without merit. Sex, love, lust, passion—THAT is part of feeling alive. That is part of living. You don’t get much more emotion or feeling than that. It’s really the point of life—to find love, to feel alive, to be brought to unimaginable feelings of both pleasure and pain, love and loss, desire and repulsion, sadness and triumphs. A person may not like my genre. It may not interest them or titillate them for whatever reason, but it doesn’t make me any less of a writer. I don’t particularly like paranormal. So what? The person who writes that is suddenly not a “real” writer just because it doesn’t suit my tastes? So let’s stop with the stereotyping. Please. Is there terrible erotica out there? You bet. Are there some erotic writers who are sexual deviants and only think about sex? Of course. But there are deviants and shitty writing in Every. Single. Genre. Don’t single out mine. And don’t judge it until you read it. Read my books and then have an opinion. If you still hate my writing, so be it. I welcome constructive criticism. I care about growing, improving my craft, choosing that exact, right word, and creating characters who are round and alive, characters we know in real life, characters we relate to and want to follow along on their journey. Wow. Holy shit. I actually sound like a “real” writer. Imagine that?
38 Comments
R.B.
5/7/2016 18:32:13
Well--now I must know the name of THAT work!
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4/30/2016 19:15:41
Very well put. I'd posit that the first ones who rush to judge have very kinky thought lives they'd rather keep to themselves. And you're right that writing well in any genre is hard work. Thanks for saying what many of us are thinking!
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:32:43
Very perceptive woman.
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4/30/2016 20:06:14
Well done, RB! As one who writes in other genres, as well as political polemics, screenplays, etc., I can attest that writing erotica is one of the more challenging and satisfying things I've ever done. Yes, sex is involved but also love, something this world's a little short of at the moment. As to your 'friend' who dissed you, I would hazard a guess that, while he may be a REAL writer, he's none too successful at it and certainly not one I'd care to read. True creativity involves opening one's mind, not closing it.
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:34:47
I think we need to develop the RB & Shelby show. Don't you? A talk show on social media! 😘 and your last line--needs to be made into #shelbyrules. STAT.
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5/1/2016 10:06:21
The next time some know-it-all puritan jerk tells you that you're not a real writer, remind them that Henry Miller, D.H. Lawrence, and Anne Rice must all not be real writers, either... So frustrating. A lot of my friends dismiss my erotic writing and won't read it, but they will read my stories if they're in another genre. But you've gotta write what you love, and the right audience will find you eventually! :)
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:36:24
Yup. Exactly! Let's not forget Nin either! And I bet those friends have a few things on their Kindles that may just surprise you!
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Christina
5/1/2016 11:07:33
Fantastic article R.B.! I can't tell you how many times my skin crawls when someone makes a snarky remark or comment about what I choose to write about. Are they paying my bills? No. They certainly are not.
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:37:09
Snarky Sisters! 😘 Thank you.
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Mystk Knight
5/1/2016 11:11:07
Well said, RB. Choosing to writing in a particular genre is done for the love of the subject matter. That one chooses erotica or one of its sub genres does not make that person less, as a writer or a human being. As with all genres, some writers are great, some not so. The person you refer to in your article is likely a closeted prurient, who is embarrassed by his own salacious thoughts. Best he keep to his own shallow, pathetic mindset.
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:39:21
Oooh. Salacious. It's a word I love! And after all, isn't that what it's all about? Choosing that precise, exact word or word order? Doesn't really make a bit of difference the genre most times!
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:40:02
Love your last line here. ❤️
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RB, you're right, there are a lot of misconceptions out there about the erotic genre in romance novels. And that's too bad because I believe erotica writers produce books concerned with deep human emotions and desires, as well as fears and hang ups. We bring love alive and push the envelope, exploring what makes the heart tick, the psychological aspects of sex.
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:43:09
YOU nailed it--the psychological aspect. That's truly what it boils down to in writing erotic romance for me. I often think it's the word--erotica--it has become synonymous with silly, cartoonish sex. That may be someone's fetish and joy. I say good for them. But much erotica is not.
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Hunter S. Jones
5/1/2016 13:23:42
This is fab! Erotica is fun. People want the fantasy. Go you!
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:43:59
Perhaps. But some of our writing indeed comes from our lives.
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Sarah Lynn DeCuir
5/1/2016 13:39:25
Omg what a jerk that guy is! Humility, humility, where for art thou humility? Surely, it resides not in the dark heart of the pretentious, Shakespearean asshole. And it's always the self-righteous ones who are the worst. They're the ones who consume porn by the zettabyte and get caught with dating profiles on Tinder when they're married. To them I say, they can hold their manhoods cheap whilst any erotica writer speaks, and they kiss my perfectly sculpted, hyper-sexy, amazingly talented, "real" writer, Naughty Nymphette ass, on Saint Crispin's day, and every other day too! Great post, RB.
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:44:46
You and Shakesoeare been hanging out lately? 😘 your passion jumps off the page! ❤️
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Dee See
5/1/2016 14:30:37
Well, all I can say is they have a problem, but it isn't yours! Sex, erotic moments, fear, dominance and all the other emotions are as real and part of being human as is a casual dinner, going to a job, adventure in some form or another. Ignoring those feelings as fact is not being true to the experience of writing about life. What I find so fascinating about the genre or erotic story telling is how real it can be, or how real we want it to be.
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:45:58
When are you guest blogging? You always find a way to say what I'm trying to say with great eloquence. ❤️
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Tori Dean
5/1/2016 16:12:11
YOU Rock girl...don't let anyone tell YOU differently. YOU do it for YOU! Great post!
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:46:20
We're in this together!
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5/2/2016 07:42:36
Love it! Writing erotica is nothing to be ashamed of. Yeah, I use a pen name, but that's only so my nieces and nephews who love to read and have kindles don't go looking for their auntie's books. :)
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:47:25
Me too! Of course. There is a time and place for everything! And--I live in U.S.--ther're just not ready!
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Felicity Brandon
5/3/2016 06:57:11
Agree. Wholeheartedly.
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:48:32
Wow! I haven't gotten that writer response yet. But certainly I have heard it. Great insight.
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5/5/2016 15:16:15
This has always been my motto. I once had a reader get upset when I touched on the subject of rape in one of my novels--a woman had survived a rape and was discussing it. The reader said, "I can't believe the author 'went there' and I will never read her again!" Oh well. It is the job of the author to always 'go there' and dive into uncomfortable areas of life, explore the dark side of humanity as well as the light--no matter the genre. Good post!
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R.B.
5/7/2016 18:50:09
Wow. There are too many rules. Too many policing. Let's just write FFS! And yes. Let's continue to go there. Thanks for this.
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Exactly. I think some people have this totally ridiculous notion that all erotica books are just crappy pornos converted to writing. They expect the equivalent of phony bimbos, sleazy scumbags and terrible acting, when in fact many authors of erotica are incredibly talented at their craft and utterly amazing with words.
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5/21/2016 09:26:02
I write erotica because it's my "thing." For some, that "thing" is sci-fi, fantasy, medical drama, mystery, etc. I don't have one of those "things," so I tell my stories through relationships. People don't always understand that.
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6/1/2016 09:01:29
Brilliantly said. We write because we love to write. The same blood, sweat, and tears go into writing erotica, just as much as any other genre.
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6/20/2016 17:32:13
Love it! I know this may not exactly sound like a real writer........but "shit, there are a lot of twats in the writing community."
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6/23/2016 16:22:21
My novels are fantasy with erotica elements - I read erotica, along with many other genres. If I don't like a book I stop reading it. I don't decide the author is not 'a real writer' (unless it's a typo-ridden, plotless hellbook). Plenty of writers I know write books which aren't my thing as a reader - but I appreciate the work they've put in, the contributions made and the importance of their books.
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Jennifer Shoemaker-McKinney
8/24/2018 03:12:18
I dont really think about it. I read what i enjoy. You would think after fifty shades which was pretty mild. People would loosen their uptight views. But the US has always been up tight about sex. Write what you love. Put the book under steamy romance
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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