I was going to talk about my traditions with the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life,” but I’ve blogged about that before here: rbobrien.weebly.com/blog-posts/its-a-wonderful-life. This was tough to write. I dedicate this post to a special student, “D.” Sorry for its length and I thank you in advance if you make it through this whole post!
I know as a teacher we’re not supposed to have “favorites,” like parents aren’t supposed to have favorite children. But let’s face it, it’s real easy to develop closer bonds with certain students, and not only the “good” students, the ones who always dot their I’s and cross their t’s, but more, the ones who touch your heart in one way or another through ways that are just organic. Maybe it’s their growth; maybe it’s the underdog who has the world set against him from birth with poverty or abuse; or maybe it’s just someone you connect with somehow, and you see, for the first time for them what’s it’s like to be listened to, appreciated, or recognized for something they’ve never been recognized for before: their intelligence or writing or effort—that they DO matter. I lost a student this fall unexpectedly, and though I hadn’t seen “D” for a while, he was special to me. He was a large boy. Troubled by insecurities. Perhaps addiction plagued him a bit. But he was brilliant. An exceptional writer. We’d spend hours some weeks during my office hours just shooting the breeze, talking Shakespeare or Soundgarten or Star Wars or how he challenged me to reread Harry Potter to see how great it was! (Sorry. Still don’t like it.) I laugh thinking about that. I hope he can hear me. When I brought all my Christmas decorations out this year, I happened upon the ornament he had given me. As students get older, they think it “isn’t cool” to get their teachers presents. I’m here to tell you that’s a myth! I still get a few presents, and the brings a smile to my face. Ornaments are special in my family. When growing up, that was a tradition my parents started. I have saved almost all my ornaments. Each and every one holds a special place in my heart. I can remember the who, the when, the why. If I couldn’t, I wasn’t allowed to put it on the tree. I must have told that story to my students on occasion, but it was “D” who listened, and when he left the college to pursue other things, he left me with an ornament. It was something that he, himself, carved for me, the quote: “Words. Words. Words,” from Hamlet and an etching of Shakespeare’s bust. I remember thinking how ugly it was. Truly. But I loved it so much, knowing that he had taken the time to make it with his own hands, something my father might have done, the renaissance man he was. I pulled it out and mourned the loss of him and quietly cried. I realized I had touched him somehow. But he had touched me too. When he passed, and even as I write this, I feel the world lost a special person, a kind person, a person that left us far too young and leaves me with no answers to the whys of life and death, but to recognize that each person does come into our lives for a reason, as cliched as that is. For it makes me stop and remember that our actions and how we behave towards others affects them, even in small ways, but also in large ways, as large as “D” himself was. It can mean the difference between life and death even sometimes, our kindness, our words, our actions. When he won a writing award at the end-of-the-year award ceremony, he bought me flowers and brought them up to the stage to give them to me. Someone jokingly yelled out from the audience: “Dude, you already got the award. You don’t need to bring her flowers now.” But I knew. And he knew. That it had nothing to do with it. Because the lesson here is that the little things we do for others has meaning and resonance. It’s not the big things or the grand gestures. It’s the quiet ones. A kind word. An acknowledgement. The ones that ask for nothing in return. It’s the ones that are genuine. And “D” was one of the most genuine people I have ever met. And ironically, it wasn’t his “words” that I remember, but instead, his actions. And to me, that is what we should carry with us this holiday season. Not the, “What did you get?” But instead, the, “What did we give?” Be the reason someone smiles today.
8 Comments
Master
12/21/2017 14:52:42
Sorry, sweetheart. You must believe he knew.
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R.B.
1/4/2018 14:38:23
Thank you. I do think so. :)
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Dee See
12/21/2017 16:52:05
I cried reading this. I can't tell you why, except to know that I truly understand how you feel and have shared those same moments with a child a special friend an associate, on those special occasions that you will cherish for a lifetime. The fact that he is lost to you is sad and brings the tears, but at the same time we honor him and you in that he is remembered for being special. You meant something special to him and he expressed that in his own way; proudly and warmly despite being ridiculed or criticized for doing so.
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R.B.
1/4/2018 14:39:49
I'm sorry you cried! But I thank you for taking the time to read. I do love your capacity to feel, Dee. And losing a friend so young, I doubt many would ever fully get over it. It's how we continue their memory.
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12/21/2017 19:35:33
Kindness attracts kindness I find, and you, RB, clearly showed kindness towards him that he wanted to return. To get that sort of a response as a teacher must be very rewarding. You touched his life in a meaningful way.
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R.B.
1/4/2018 14:40:37
Thank you, Rachel. I don't think we ever know the way we touch other individuals. We can only hope that our actions carry conscience each day.
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Jaime
12/21/2017 20:27:58
I can honestly say this touched me. I have met a few teachers like this. My Middle School daughter didn't want to get her teachers gifts this year. She thought she may be called a brown noser. Do you mind if I share this with her? (Twitter)
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R.B.
1/4/2018 14:41:24
Oh! Please share! And I can promise you, I remember almost every gift, large or small, given to me from my students. :) Very special.
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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