Anais Nin and Other Influences

3/19/2015

Anais Nin and Other Influences

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I remember when I was first introduced to Anais Nin. I was taking a class in college entitled, "Feminist Perspectives on Society." It changed me forever.

On the second day of class, I raised my hand to comment on something, and I used the word 'girl' rather than 'woman.' I was ripped to shreds by many in the class. It made me question myself. It made me question who I was. And it especially made me question whether or not I was really a feminist or not, something I had always identified myself as.

When we began to read Anais Nin in the class, I found myself mesmerized. Excited. I realized I liked her ideas and philosophy, and I also realized that the idea of domination and submission was a huge turn on for me. Her writing sparked debate. It sparked arguments. And it sparked, in me, something I hadn't realized about myself. I embarked on a journey of erotic awakening and I never looked back. I still consider myself a feminist today.

Here is a snippet:

Anais Nin diary entry 1932
- “I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”

What are your feelings about it? What opened you up to erotica and discovering your true self? Would love to hear your thoughts.

9 Comments

Natalie Webber

3/19/2015 05:48:00

A thought provoking quote indeed. It's not easy for a woman in today's world to admit that she likes to be dominated whether in the bedroom or outside it. Women have much more freedom and choice than ever before but to me it seems we're expected to choose the independent, career woman kind of lifestyle, which is great for those who want that but there is a certain stigma attached to those who don't, they are viewed as weaker by some.
Can you crave dominance and still be a feminist? I think so. I want to be dominated and I've made that decision as a strong woman. ( I hope this is making sense.)
I first started exploring erotica in the early 2000s through the use of internet chat rooms. I found it liberating to be able to chat with like minded people anonymously. I then discovered online erotic fiction and that opened up a whole world of discoveries for me. Although I am much more confident in what I want sexually, I still feel a need to hide it somewhat.

R.B.

3/19/2015 15:04:49

I have never done the chat room thing. I'd love to learn more bout that. Why do you start doing that? I'm fascinated. Twitter, Facebook...Goodreads...that is as close as I've come. And it's all brand new for me! And of course, I write under a pseudonym! I doubt that will ever change...though my closest friends know I write, they will never learn WHAT I write. How sad. :(

3/20/2015 08:49:54

I frequented the chatrooms when I was in my early twenties - carefree, single and a heck of a lot braver than I am now. I haven't done it for years but now I'm thinking it might be time to revisit. I don't know why I'm so scared to do it now though.

3/19/2015 22:55:40

I think the word feminist has gotten a really bad name over the years. I'm not sure Anais Nin would have classified herself that way. What I love about that piece is that she explains that you can be independent and in control in your life but in the bedroom, it may be different. It's pretty heady stuff but I love how she isn't afraid to admit what she needs from a man. I like when she says femaleness--maybe people say they wish they could be a man, that it's a man's world. I love being sexual. Being a female is fun. I think it has something to do with nerve endings! Like she said, it doesn't mean we're not smart and intellectual. Not being in charge is freeing. Feeling sexual is a part of that. My first leap into erotica land was with penthouse magazine. We had a lot of fun with those stories/letters!

S.D.

3/20/2015 08:32:52

I haven't read Anais Nin. Should I? I do know that I make my own money, have a sassy mouth every day, but when it comes to sex, I like it hard, rough, and I do NOT want to be in control. There isn't a damn thing wrong with it.

Sue

3/22/2015 03:27:36

Hi!
I'm new to this blog and your work.
I wonder where women like Anais Nin got her courage. No one ever said that her writings weren't "serious" or that it wasn't real writing. I feel like we've taken a step backwards. Erotica writers (not all are created equal--I understand that) should be taken more seriously. What human existence isn't centered around sex and power? I just don't understand it.
Keep writing for us.

Leslie

3/22/2015 03:38:43

To Sue:
I think it is because there is so much PORN erotica out there. It's just sex. No story. No character development. No depth. And it sells. That's what seems to sell. Short works with ridiculous sex. There are exceptions though. Hello? 50 Shades.

Stephen

3/22/2015 05:56:35

Your story made us laugh--girl. That's the ONLY name my GF wants me to use--baby girl, good girl, bad girl, naughty girl. It's a term we love. Saying, 'naughty women' right before a spanking doesn't exactly do it for us. lol

Dee See

12/6/2017 16:48:05

My maleness and sexual self became apparent early as my physical development happened and then my mother also encouraged my artistic side by giving me a drawing book that included nudes. It wasn't erotic, but it was my first exposure to the female form naked despite the fact that I had two sisters - for whatever reason they had no existence in my development. From that point it was furtive exposure to cartoonish female forms until my first Playboy - wow what an awakening, although it did give me a poor understanding of what was valuable in the female form and it took me more than 10 years to realize that large bosoms weren't necessarily better in terms of responsiveness or sexual stimulation for me or her.

I was not a reader so the erotic word was foreign to me for years and my learning was simply by experience for decades. But age has its benefits and I have learned a great deal about what it means to be a male and to have a sensuous relationship with a female.

I am not a dominate, I am a giver. As opposed to Ms. Nin's need to have a man over her, I prefer a woman over me so that I can appreciate fully her response, her needs and her levels of interest. I can take when it comes to that point, but I can delay gratification for the purpose of satisfying her.

Life was my teacher, finding a companion that shares and wants what I want has been my quest, some days it seems closer than others.

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Anais Nin and Other Influences

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