10/30/2016 Where does the rainbow end, in your soul or on the horizon?” ― Pablo Neruda, The Book of QuestionRead NowI look out my window a lot. It’s just one of those things that keeps me grounded in this weird, one-with-nature kind of way. I hate curtains. They only gather dust. And I hate alarms even more. I enjoy the natural light to whisper across my face in the morning with gentle fingers, not some man-made sound that jars me into life with a harsh slap. It is the quiet moments of the morning that I savor most, in bed, looking out my window. It’s when I write my best work. Yesterday morning, I awoke to a brilliant rainbow. At first, I marveled at the sky’s pink hues, and I thought how soothing it was. I haven’t had that feeling in a long time, that feeling of being at peace with myself or my life. I got out of bed to stand to pull the obligatory curtain further, the color peeking through the leaves of the oaks outside my window. Where I had been seeing grey for quite some time shone now pink. The color is hard to describe accurately. It was pink; but it bordered on a light red. It told me to come look at it. And then. There it appeared. A rainbow. I will share it with you here, but my phone didn’t do it justice. I don’t believe in god as my early catechism taught me. I think I’ve written that before. But I do believe. In something. Energy? Connection? Karma? What Star Wars describes as the Force? The Transcendental Oversoul? I don’t know. But whatever exists outside my understanding, I think it was trying to speak to me. I tried to listen. You see, rainbows were a thing with my dad and me. When he passed, I saw them all the time—yes, I was in Hawaii at the time and they were more prevalent--but whenever I see a rainbow, I can’t help but think, “Hi, Dad,” and that there is something in the universe speaking to me. Is it my dad? I doubt it. Is it his energy? I hope so. But each time I see this rare beauty, I try to ask myself what it might be trying to tell me. I read a book once that argued that there is no such thing as coincidence, only our ignorance of the universe around us and the messages it tries to feed us daily that we refuse to acknowledge. I heard from an old friend the the other day, someone I hadn’t spoken to in quite a while. It’s a terrible memory, and yet, after speaking for just a bit, I somehow got closure. I felt at peace. My heart that had hurt for such a long time, stopped hurting. And I think that rainbow told me that it was okay to finally let go, to move on, and to stop blaming myself.
I guess I owe my dad yet another thank you. Closure comes in many forms. I guess this time it took a rainbow to get me there. The rainbow clearly doesn't end on the horizon for me, but in my soul. And for right now, my soul has found a little peace.
20 Comments
Ashlee
10/30/2016 12:28:03
What a beautiful reveal, RB. Each of your blog posts gives us a little more of YOU. I really do appreciate you and love you for that.
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R.B.
11/1/2016 07:01:56
Love you back. Thank you for stopping by!
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10/30/2016 12:28:33
Congratulations on finally moving on. The sign itself is irrelevant, whether it is a rainbow, a white dove, a breeze or a colorful storm of autumnal leaves... the most important is the relief it can bring.
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R.B.
11/1/2016 07:02:33
Yup. Exactly. And it was a long time coming. Appreciate your words more than you know.
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R.B.
11/1/2016 07:03:10
Thank you for letting me feel comfortable getting it off my chest. Your words mean so much.
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Cindy
10/30/2016 12:43:09
It's amazing how something so simple, as a rainbow, gave you a chance at closure. Life is so full of mystery. Things have gone a bit disarray for me over the past week, but as someone kept telling me, they all happen for a reason. Thanks for sharing!
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R.B.
11/1/2016 07:03:52
Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it more than you know. I hope your week improves. It will. This much I know.
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10/30/2016 13:45:44
Such a beautiful, heartfelt, and inspiring post! Thank you for sharing yourself with us!!
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R.B.
11/1/2016 07:04:15
Thanks for helping me to feel like I can!
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R.B.
11/1/2016 07:04:49
Thank you, Kiru. And a pleasure to connect with you too. Isn't that what it's all about? :)
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Tori Dean
10/31/2016 07:34:09
Beautiful and keep smiling!
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R.B.
11/1/2016 07:05:08
With friends like you? You bet!
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Nia Farrell
10/31/2016 09:41:12
This moved me to tears. I do believe in a Divine Source, and know that it speaks to those who will listen, though those who are willing to serve. Your dad is your touchstone. Father speaking through father. I'm so glad that you were open to hear. Thank you for sharing.
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R.B.
11/1/2016 07:05:45
I'm still not sure what I believe but one thing I know, I am blessed with true friends here. Thank you.
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Mandi Calder
10/31/2016 15:40:27
As always RB, beautiful and heartfelt. I love reading your posts. You reveal more about yourself and the way you think. I'm pleased that you found peace and are finally able to move on.
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R.B.
11/1/2016 07:06:32
I thank my lucky stars I met you. You mean so much to me! Keep being you and thank you. Love you!
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11/24/2017 11:11:57
You have a truly magical way with words, R.B. I, too, love the beauty of the world around us, especially rainbows. But I can't always express it as well as you, in the quality of your writing. You have a gift, and your Dad would be proud. Life can be cruel at times, but I still believe that the power of love, family and friendships can conquer all. Wishing you many rainbows in the future.
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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