For those of you who have read Temptation Natalie’s Edge, you’ll know what I’m referring to. For those who haven’t, you can still weigh in on your views regarding cheating in general.
When I first looked to publish the book, a few places rejected it but offered to publish it if I took out “that part,” stating: “Our readers don’t like cheating.” I chose to keep the story intact. Maybe it was a mistake. Time will tell. And at the time, I didn’t really know why I felt so adamant about keeping it in there. I could have easily changed it, but something in the back of my mind kept saying, ”No. This is the story that came out. This is the story that Natalie wanted to tell.” Perhaps I was just being stubborn. But recently, I think I understand now what my subconscious was thinking as I wrote the less-than-perfect story of Michael and Natalie. Okay. This isn’t easy for me…so let me take a deep breath. I realized something this week about sexual preferences and kinks. Not every one of us is the same. Not every one of us likes the same things in the bedroom. Not every one of us has a connection with BDSM or a desire to submit or to dominant or to be tied up or spanked or humiliated or whatever our kink might be. But those of us who do, probably didn’t always embrace it or admit it. Most of us probably hid it. Most of us probably still do. Wanting, craving…needing those things is not mainstream. It’s not “normal.” It’s not something you discuss with your friends or family while having dinner. “Hey, Rita. I’d love to be tied up and teased until my head spins, until I feel like I can’t take anymore. I’d like to be left on the brink of orgasm and tortured until HE says when. How about you, Rita?” No. We just don’t do that. So, some of us write. Some of us read. Some of us try to make our vanilla relationships as “un” vanilla as our partners will let us. But for anyone who has to live like that, who can’t embrace who they really are, not just who they WANT to be, but who they ARE, who they NEED to be, knows that it can be a living nightmare of sadness, unfulfillment, unexplainable mood swings, and even depression. It’s a long life. It’s exhausting and difficult and yes, even painful. I call it living in silent lucidity, especially once you do discover what you need and who you are, but know you probably can never attain it, not in this life anyway. I think Natalie symbolizes this struggle. She didn’t want to admit who she really is/was. She didn’t want to admit she had these kinks in her. She knew, deep down she knew, but she didn’t embrace it, accept it, want it. It took Michael, yes it took cheating, for her to discover just who she really is—okay, it takes three books, some pain, a damaged dude who is close from perfect—but it is her journey, her discovery. I’m sick of people faulting her (a character let’s not forget) for trying to find happiness. Her boyfriend in the story cheats too. People cheat. Get over it. It’s not right, and I’m not condoning it, but it happens, and in this case, Natalie needed Michael. She was missing a piece of her. She couldn’t break up with Scott first, because she simply didn’t know who she was. And for someone who just can’t understand what that feels like? I say to you: You are the luckiest person in the world. What say you? Please. I’d love to know what you think—whether you’ve read the book or not.
27 Comments
Anonymous
3/24/2015 11:49:22
I'm older. In my forties. Not sure how old the average person is who reads your books but I think this post is so interesting. I can TOTALLY relate to this idea. I am married and I read ALL THE TIME to fantasize. The darker the better. Your book, no offense, wasn't as dark as I usually like, but I do love the torture he puts her thru time and time again. LOVED that. My husband has no idea what I might really want. I am extremely moody. Sometimes almost addicted to reading. And need a lot of time alone. Masturbation is what I do. I just think it's too late for me...but fantasy is good.
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R.B.
3/27/2015 00:29:23
Hi Anonymous,
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Natalie Webber
3/24/2015 13:07:04
I really don't get why people have a problem with characters making mistakes and being flawed. I've said it before - it makes them real. I think you are right when you say Natalie did not know what was missing until she met Michael. Yes, she cheated. Does this make her a 'bad' person? No, it makes her human. I'm not condoning cheating but I do think if a person is unfaithful it's a strong sign they should not be in the relationship in the first place.
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J
3/24/2015 13:43:59
R.B. Obrien! You are one funny shit. Isn't that a Queensryche song?!! Did you think you could get away with that?
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3/24/2015 14:04:23
I totallyagree: LIFE IS TOO SHORT... MAKE IT A BIG SHOT! That's my motto and the name of a book, written by guess who? Anyway, I've got tons to talk about this cheating issue and I went through only the first two chapters... more to come. Wait for the review... Cheers
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R.B.
3/24/2015 14:31:13
Hahahaha! You caught me and my fetish with Queensryche. (I also love Iron Maiden--sssh. There is no better riff than the one from The Trooper. Period. I don't care. And I can play it better than anyone. Sort of. In my mind. Keep that between us.)
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Natalie Webber
3/24/2015 20:55:42
I loved the Fifty Shades movie. The sex scenes were far less explicit than in the book though, but I can see why they had to tone it down for mainstream cinema. They still managed to capture the essence of the book and the characters - definitely worth a watch :)
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R.B.
3/24/2015 14:38:34
Oh no, Ana! Nail biter!
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S.D.
3/25/2015 00:29:54
I don't understand. Every show we watch, every movie, everything out there, has elements of disloyalty, cheating, deceit. Isn't that part of good drama? We're talking about people who read dirty books, erotica, right? Can't the moralistic bullshit kind of be taken out of the equation? What? Romance can't be 'messy'? Stupid.
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DevilsThorn
3/25/2015 06:48:18
Kinks and fetishes are the only things in BDSM that everyone (who is into it) share. The beyond vanilla conformity and darker tastes are what we all have in common. But what sets us apart in this is WHY we are here. The answer to that "why" is simple, yet the explanation is complex. We are drawn to it by one of 3 things: Curiosity, preferences, or the NEED. There is nothing wrong with being a curious kinkster dabbling in it. And those who prefer the darker side have experienced tastes that they like better than the bland side. Then you have those who were MADE for this- by life. By often traumatic experiences that they had no choices in the matter of. A demon was awakened them that liked certain experiences, and wants to experience it again, and again. And the more you deprive it- the more it fights you in desperation to feed. Those who have this need often struggle with themselves because they often don't feel "normal", yet they want to.
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R.B.
3/27/2015 00:30:29
Devilsthorn,
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Sam L.
3/25/2015 08:27:45
Wow! I am enjoying this blog. Cheating is a hard thing. Like anything in life, once you say NEVER, you know it's just bound to be broken. There are no NEVERS in life. Cheating does occur. Noone is perfect.
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J
3/25/2015 08:48:56
Do you, play the guitar? For real?
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3/25/2015 09:30:28
Oh good grief (to the critics, not you). Since when is infidelity off-limits as a dramatic device? The Great Gatsby? Lolita? Hamlet, FFS?
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W.H.
3/25/2015 13:26:34
As for me, I have yet to read your book. Will be starting this weekend. Your FB and blog have me more then intrigued and has given me more of a feel on what the characters are about. I have read some hot, dark books that have BDSM in it, not ashamed to say that deep down, it's a fantasy. 50 Shades paved the way for writers like yourself for erotica since its become a phenomenal success worldwide.
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Hey R.B.,
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Natalie Webber
3/25/2015 14:52:41
DevilsThorn - I think you are right in that there is a difference between those who are curious about kink/BDSM and dabble in it and those who have the need to be that way. I am sure you are right in saying it can stem from traumatic experience but I believe there are those who were simply born with that need, it's a part of them. I don't believe being a submissive is a choice - you either are or you aren't. I'm going to bring up 50 shades again because is it mentioned several times throughout the books that Anastasia is not submissive by nature. She tries to be to please Christian and does enjoy the kinky sex, but if she had the choice she would choose a vanilla/normal relationship with him. The point I'm trying to make through my rambling is that you can act the part of the submissive and have a lot of fun with it (nothing wrong with that) but someone who is truly submissive doesn't act - he/she just is.
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R.B.
3/25/2015 16:08:07
I put m y comments to all of this in a new blog. I had too much to say! And that was before I read the last of the comments...J, yes, I play guitar, very poorly, but I come from a whole family of "artists" (or so they say)-guitar, piano, drums, singing, dancing. All amateurs who think they aren't. Do you?
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Les
3/26/2015 09:02:29
...But for anyone who has to live like that, who can’t embrace who they really are, not just who they WANT to be, but who they ARE, who they NEED to be, knows that it can be a living nightmare of sadness, unfulfillment, unexplainable mood swings, and even depression. It’s a long life. It’s exhausting and difficult and yes, even painful. I call it living in silent lucidity, especially once you do discover what you need and who you are, but know you probably can never attain it, not in this life anyway...
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R.B.
3/26/2015 11:18:01
Honestly, Les. What an unbelievable comparison. Thank you for that insight. You're right.
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W.H.
3/26/2015 14:17:55
DevilThorn has some good points to his comment. Cheating is definitely a demon. And every demon needs to be dealt with appropriately. But the one thing that I cannot get past is the I cannot forgive or forget being cheated on, but went on about cheating on his love with one and on to another. In that sense what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Don't expect to cheat and not have a backlash. Like I said he gave a very good descriptive comment which was a good one. Mixing a vanilla with a non vanilla and making yourself happy doesn't work. It makes that non vanillas demon hungry for what it wants. Oh I completely get that. But is it necessarily hungry for what they want that they arent getting with their vanilla partner or the thrill of it? In my opinion it's a mixture of both. I've been there done that myself which has me leaning more towards on how thrilling it is to explore your needs.
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Sir
3/27/2015 07:41:47
Sweetheart. There are plenty of real men out there who can give you exactly what you want and need, give you the pain you desire and the pleasure you want. Push you but also know when is too far. I have not read your work but by everything I've seen of you so far, you just need to stop playing and go after what you truly need. Loyalty, being faithful. It comes with maturity. Don't settle for a boy. You need a man. An experienced man. Don't be shy. You know what to do. You don't have to hide.
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DevilsThorn
3/27/2015 20:08:17
Ok...so I have cheated. Both giving into lust and feeding my demon. It's nothing I'm proud of. And had I figured things out about myself then- as I have now- I would have never cheated any of the times. I have learned the real damage it does. And just because I've cheated doesn't mean I should give a free pass to those I've cheated on to "pay me back". No- I can't forgive or forget someone who cheats on me. And I don't expect anyone I cheat on to forgive me or forget that I did it. I'm not holier than thou. The whole reason I brought up the fact of my infidelity is to elaborate on the fact that I KNOW the damage it does.
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W.H
3/28/2015 12:50:36
DevilsThorn, you have a interesting way of putting things. You have given much insight into this topic. You got right to the point in your comments in both a dark and somewhat comical way. Life is what it is. I look forward to seeing more of what you have to say in the future. Interesting Twitter btw.
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Lauren
3/30/2015 06:11:49
First time here. I just read book. I think BDSM means different things to different people. Someone somewhere here said that the book didn't really read as BDSM. I think there are elements of it in the book and I like the elements in it. I don't like the true BDSM, I am your dominant, we will fill out a contract, you will have safewords, and I punish you. It could be because it's too foreign to me or weird. I like a good tie up, to be spanked, hair pulled, tickled, denied orgasm (probably why I like this book so much) but the darker BDSM, harsh punishments, spankings with canes and implements of torture, no. Does BDSM always have to include the S/M part? Can it be just a little? One part and not the other? Who says what BDSM has to exactly be. Honestly, the story reads like a kinky romance for me. I like that Michael is kind of fucked up. I want their happy ending but I can wait for it. I'm into angst. I don't fucking care that she cheated. It doesn't offend me that these characters seem so real. I really like that. I read the sex scenes over and over (sorry--I skipped a little to get to those scenes because they were so fucking HOT). I can't wait for more but I hope it doesn't spiral into the --we are going to sign a contract, decide on hard limits, what you will/will not do, ect. I want it to just be a normal fucked up relationship. Why do elements of BDSM always have to be deemed dark or taboo. It's part of life to experiment with sexual things and push some boundaries. How boring life would be if people didn't push themselves.
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4/30/2015 02:57:27
I don't generally condone cheating in real life, but it does happen, for all sorts of complicated reasons and sometimes it's what people need to do before they either end a nonfunctional relationship or fix it. I see no reason it should be shut out of fiction. The romance community is a little weird that way.
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R.B.
5/2/2015 01:12:40
Thanks for you input, Teresa.
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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