Why do readers get upset when characters tell lies in our books? Or cheat? When I first published the Natalie’s Edge series, it was a criticism I got—“I’m not reading this. She cheated!” Again? Really? More constructs for our genre? I guess “Romance” can’t have realistic events and people? I give up! We all lie. Make no mistake about that. Lying is part of being human. When someone asks you a question—the infamous: Do these jeans make me look fat? for instance—rather than hurt someone’s feelings, we might tell them a slight lie, a white lie as it has come to be called, for myriad reasons. We don’t want to hurt their feelings, to tell the truth does no one any good, negative consequences far outweigh the positives, and the list goes on. You may say lying takes shape by omission as well. This way may be a step up from the white lie. It isn’t a direct lie, but you simply answer equivocally, with a half-truth by omission. Others may argue it’s not a lie if it’s not clearly stated in a sentence. Are you married? “No, I’m not,” but leaving out that you might have a commitment to someone is an example of a lie by omission. I argue it’s worse, perhaps, than the white lie. And again, I am here to say, of course, I am guilty of the lie by omission as well. Cheating on someone, going behind someone’s back, asking another to lie for you, those even jump higher up the ladder, and yup, I have been guilty of that in the past as well. I am not going to sit here and call myself a saint. Sometimes being in love can truly blind us and make us do stupid things. Yeah, sure. I did just use that excuse. And so do my characters. Are we really that righteous, that above it? But there are times when lying goes way, way above the white lie vortex and instead, leaps into a black abyss of complete immorality. These lies are the ones that take effort, planning, fore-thought. These are the lies that can’t stand alone. These are the lies that cause lie upon lie upon lie to be told, perhaps even bringing in others into the mayhem of the swirling storm of deceit. These are the lies that hurt people. They hurt their psyche. They hurt their ability to trust. These are the lies that can scar a person, not physically, but mentally. And if these people become characters in our books, we grow to dislike them, hate them even. These are our true villains. In real life, those types of lies come from people who are who they are. You cannot thrust your own morality onto another. You have absolutely no control over what another human being does or is capable of doing. You must accept that. The only thing you can control is how you behave after it. How you react and how you deal with it. That is the ONLY thing in your control. You cannot control the actions of others but you can control the actions of yourself. And for me, I choose to realize that lies told like that have nothing to say about my character but about another’s. People like that don’t have character. But in our books, we can choose to have the “good guys” win, to have the bad guys get what’s coming to them. Maybe even to suffer. Or, we can choose our bad guys to find redemption. And that, too, is the question we must pose in our real lives. Some people deserve forgiveness. But there are others, who do not. Why should our books be any different than a reflection of authenticity?
22 Comments
Tori Dean
6/1/2016 10:47:05
Good post RB!! There shouldnt be any difference but one may argue that books are fantasy and not to be compared to reality. Everyone has and will have their own opinion. But as a I writer, I put reality in my fantasy and sometimes fantasy in my reality.
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R.B.
6/23/2016 13:44:42
Me too, Tori!
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Insightful post as always, RB. It's interesting what readers find objectionable but that's a subject for another blog, perhaps several other blogs. As far as lying, my father summed it up beautifully with one simple warning: "Always be honest. If you can't believe everything a person says, you can't believe anything they say." Smart guy my dad.
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R.B.
6/23/2016 13:45:21
Your dad and my dad would have gotten along quite well.
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Ashlee
6/1/2016 11:10:13
Wonderful post, RB, and very thought provoking. Readers often read to escape reality, but we as writers want to give them an experience, to engage their emotions, so we put a little bit of our reality into the characters. Whether we know it or not, we are all guilty of doing that a little. Will everyone love it, enjoy it, appreciate it? No. But, we must write what the characters ask, and regardless of the reactions, the stories are told. If readers react, that's OK. That was their emotion while reading, and if their emotions were strong, then you did your job well. Right?
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R.B.
6/23/2016 13:46:14
You are so thoughtful. Thank you, Ashlee. You are exactly right. And I continue to learn as I grow older...
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R.B.
6/23/2016 13:47:26
How sad that is--why we marry or stay with people but look to others to complete us is complicated and confusing. I hope not to be common.
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Mandi
6/1/2016 15:46:36
Fantastic and thought provoking post RB. Yes, everyone is guilty of the white lies. And for those who sat they've never done that. Well, they are lying to themselves. However, the lies that drag other people into situations and hurt them emotionally is not. Is so evil, on so many levels.
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R.B.
6/23/2016 13:47:58
But with friends like you--it balances out! :)
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Master
6/2/2016 10:18:06
Lying is the worst form of abuse in my opinion. I do not forgive easily.
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R.B.
6/23/2016 13:48:33
But--as I've told you before--forgiveness is quite freeing too...Remember that.
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David lee
6/2/2016 12:47:39
Awesomely written R.b
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R.B.
6/23/2016 13:49:46
Wow. Your support means so much. Thank you, David.
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Dee See
6/2/2016 16:13:00
R.b. hits the nail on the head regarding reality and an author's license to reflect life and the variables associated with living. We all use the tools of language and expression to communicate, how our sensibilities and standards affect that is a given. Otherwise all people would agree on virtually all positions and questions ... not a reality.
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R.B.
6/23/2016 13:50:32
So philosophical, Dee! Love your mind.
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Mystk
6/2/2016 21:47:37
Great blog, RB. I believe lil white lies--your "jeans" example is the universal one--are tools given us to help us navigate tricky situations w/o hurting anyone's feelings. The difficulty becomes knowing where to draw the line. That is where one's moral compass becomes so important. For me, if someone breaks my trust with a "black whole" lie, they can count themselves "unfriended", because, once trust is broken, there's no way to make it whole again. Might sound harsh but experience tells me it's the truth.
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R.B.
6/23/2016 13:51:41
Agree--100%. And when someone else asks me to lie for him--THAT shows character too--Don't think he won't do it to you. Of course he will!
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David Lee
6/12/2016 20:57:53
Awesome post. .iy is so wrong to live a lie and deceive .Cheaters well. .To lose someone's TRUST. I feel that is the worst
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3/15/2018 20:32:38
I don't know where this particular mental allergy originated but last I knew the human race was full of all manner of despicable behavior as well as love and compassion. How someone can put up with violence or deception outside of a relationship with no problems but then take issue with cheating is exactly the kind of hypocrisy a very small mind is capable of.
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Joe Peponis
3/21/2018 11:55:05
This is an amazing subject! In my playful writing experience (very little mind you), I find the mix of degrees in what people want to hear vs the brutally honest truth is very interesting. Do you want to see the entire picture or just the prettiest parts? I find most do not care for “truth”.
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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