Is it possible to be romantically in love with more than one person? MUST we choose one person? Is monogamy attainable?
Many people believe it is or at least it must be that way. Society dictates that for the most part. And there is something very magical about giving yourself to one person, that loyalty and friendship that automatically come when you pledge your love to just one person. But what happens if you find yourself unexpectedly drawn to more than one person? Perhaps even love that person? Why (as a good friend once admonished me for wanting) CAN’T we have our cakes and eat it too? Well...it’s simple. We all want to be CHOSEN. We want to be that special someone. We want to be the universe for someone else, that person he/she goes to for support and love and guidance and reassurance. We want to know that that person has our back, would walk the extra mile, would defend us against harm, and pick us up when we are our worst enemy. In short, we want them to love ONLY us. Yes. I believe it’s possible to love more than one person for different reasons at the same time. Can you actually be “in love” with more than one person? It doesn’t matter. Because I wouldn’t want to be anything but his only, even if I may want to have my cake and eat it too. And isn’t that the most selfish thing in the world? Yup. It sure is. Because somehow I want the rules broken just for me. So unless you’ll willing to let them also have their cake and eat it too, and maybe you are, it won’t work any other way. And quite frankly, it simply doesn’t fit the ideal romantic that dwells deep inside of me. And the old adage seems to apply: Do unto others as you would have them do onto to you (or something like that). So how do you choose if you find yourself in love or falling in love with more than one person? First of all, the question is: Does it go both ways? Therein lies the beginning of your answer. Because sometimes the person we love may not love us back, and while painful, it makes the choice quite clear. And then of course, the choice is sometimes laid out for us because, well, there isn’t a choice. We’ve made our commitments and are in it for the long haul. Commitment. Loyalty. Trust. You’ve already given it. Timing. Sometimes, it comes down to simply that. And love versus lust? That will have to be a topic for a different blog! In the meantime, if you do find yourself falling in love with more than one person and need to make that choice, you can always do what Johnny Depp had to say. He may just be right!
16 Comments
Fred
1/6/2016 09:02:48
It's certainly possible. Whether it is right or not is another question, but you don't always have a choice in the matter.
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R.B.
1/7/2016 11:26:36
Would love to hear more, Fred! ;)
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HSJ
1/6/2016 09:15:03
Your heart knows, so they say.
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R.B.
1/7/2016 11:27:08
Oh...I don't know. The heart is not very rational...at least mine isn't!
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1/6/2016 10:13:39
Nice one, RB! I particularly like that you went against the conventional wisdom and quoted Depp. I can't think of anyone better to wax philosophical than someone who's been there.
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R.B.
1/7/2016 11:27:40
Why thank you, Shelby! Who's been there? Depp or you? ;)
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J
1/6/2016 10:51:33
Love is a funny thing. I wouldn't purport to judge until I was there. If you feel like you love two people for real though it's probably because each gives you something you desire. From what I've seen from you and your writing, it is clear you need safety and danger but can't seem to find it in the same person so you waffle and fall in love easily maybe. You will find that one soulmate though. As you wrote in this blog post, there is much to be said for giving yourself to one perosn. You just need to find the person that touches ALL your buttons. I think I know where...
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R.B.
1/7/2016 11:28:04
Hmmmmm....more?!
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S.D.
1/6/2016 10:56:32
Rb--Come on! It's why people cheat all the time...we weren't made to be monogamous but society pushes it on us like crazy. Why would it bother you so much? There are plenty of open relationships. It's conquering jealousy and that takes a lot of self esteem and feeling of self worth. I believe you can absolutely love more than one person. Society needs to catch up. Of course I write all this in an unhappy situation. LMAO! That's what your blog is though for me. I can be honest and have no repercussions.
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R.B.
1/7/2016 11:28:26
LOL! I love you, S.D.
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1/6/2016 12:01:01
I believe it is a matter of choice at the point the love begins to form. If you love someone that you are either in a committed relationship with or married to, it is contingent upon you to not put yourself in a situation where you may stray. Loyalty. Trust. Do you really want to cause pain, and I mean deep pain, to a person you've been with? Once that trust is broken because you want to bump uglies, you'll never get it back. In my opinion if you do fall in love with a second person, you didn't really love the first. But you are still causing someone pain that probably didn't deserve said pain.
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R.B.
1/7/2016 11:30:35
Isabella! Thank you so much for stopping by and for your thoughts. You are so right in so many parts...but I would not equate animal lust with love. Two very different things. But perhaps...just perhaps...I need to learn to differentiate between the two. And for the record, just reading THIS makes me want to gobble up everything you write now! Love it.
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1/6/2016 15:57:15
Yes, it is. The heart wants what the heart wants and I believe there are many different connections in the world that light us up. If the word "commitment" has been used, then loyalty is more important than spontaneous indulgence; however, I honestly believe there are multiple loves to be had in a lifetime.
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R.B.
1/7/2016 11:31:40
Oh god, Amber! Now I'm singing Selena Gomez. Help me! Thank you for your comment...and I agree--multiple loves in a lifetime...but at the SAME time???? Is it possible?
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1/15/2016 14:06:58
I think it definitely is. Interesting that you posted this because it is something I have been thinking about lately. I think there are two different types of love and you can't have the committed, familiar, close best friend love with two men at the same time. You can have the rush of "love" for another man, but it's not the same kind of love you feel for a partner you have a ton of history with. The second kind of "love" is why people cheat all the time.
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I LOVE to write and read. I particularly enjoy reading erotic romance that has tons of emotion in it. I hope you will ask me questions and share your favorite authors and novels. I welcome all feedback.
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